This Week In Horror - 'The Following,' 'Bates Motel,' 'Hannibal' (4/22-4/28)

Welcome to This Week In Horror!  In this column I dissect (pun intended) the most popular blood-soaked shows on television.  First there will be a series of mini-recaps outlining the highlights (and low-lights) of each episode that week.  Then comes the ‘Dissection.’

But first, for the inaugural column, an introduction:

Nothing is hotter on television at the moment than horror.  Throughout the years there have been a few shining examples of much-loved horror shows (‘Twin Peaks,’ ‘The X-Files,’ ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’), but by and large the genre has been dominated by big screen masked murderers, small screen schlockfests, and much-loved but little-watched cult programs.  Now, horror has finally made the leap to critical and commercial success on television in an unprecedented capacity, invading pretty much every channel.  Undoubtedly the tipping point for this sudden surge in scary stories was the astounding success of AMC’s ‘The Walking Dead,’ which now regularly pulls in more viewers than most network shows -- a feat previously unheard of for cable programming.  It would appear that there’s hardly anyone in the country who doesn’t like watching a zombie’s brains get splattered across the pavement.

The roots of this movement can be traced back to even earlier shows such as ’24’ with its unflinching depiction of brutal torture and ‘Lost’ with its mysterious Others haunting the jungle.  These shows helped prove to modern executives that viewers weren’t only flocking to television for light escapism; they were looking for a release of a different kind, too -- and a little cathartic bloodshed can go a long way.

In addition to ‘The Walking Dead,’ there is HBO’s long-running vampire/werewolf/witch/fairy/shapeshifter/blood/sex/gore-fest ‘True Blood,” Showtime’s beloved serial killer drama ‘Dexter,‘ and FX’s gothic anthology ‘American Horror Story.‘  Even ‘Game Of Thrones’ (HBO) features frightening creatures called White Walkers and their undead army of wights.  The first half of 2013 alone saw the rise of several new terrifying shows that attracted large audiences: ‘The Following’ on FOX, ‘Bates Motel’ on A&E, and ‘Hannibal’ on NBC (as well as ‘Under The Dome,’ which will be premiering on CBS in June).  Let’s examine what the hottest new horror shows have in common, how they’re different, and why people keep subjecting themselves week after week to such atrocities as homicidal cults, incestuous mother/son relationships, and cannibalism.

This week on ‘The Following’

For most of its run, ‘The Following’ has exhibited an exemplary balance between genuine chills and fun campiness.  What else would you expect from creator Kevin Williamson, writer of the ‘Scream’ franchise?  Sure, the FBI agents are pretty inept.  Sure, the cult has had a few too many conveniently-placed members.  But overall, the show has been an exciting cat-and-mouse game showcasing Kevin Bacon at his skeletal best.

That being said... This week, ‘The Following’ finally went off the rails.  The FBI exhibited a staggering level of incompetence heretofore unmatched.  Knowing that Joe Carroll and his cult of insane killers were loose in a small suburban town, the agents set up a voluntary shelter for the residents of said town to seek asylum from the cult -- and then didn’t screen or ID any of the people coming in, allowing several innocent townfolk to be slaughtered by the very people they were seeking protection from.  I mean, really?  What did they expect?

The FBI weren’t the only incompetent ones: Joe allowed his wife, Claire, to talk him into untying her hands so she could “open a bottle of wine” -- one episode after she stabbed him.  I’m not sure how it came as a shock to him when she grabbed said wine bottle and smashed him over the head with it.  Then, freed of her bonds, with her homicidal husband unconscious at her feet, instead of ending it once and for all -- she just runs away and leaves him alive -- only to later be recaptured by him, of course.  Come on guys, get it together!

This week on ‘Bates Motel’

Things looked much better over on A&E this week, with possibly the best episode yet of ‘Bates Motel,’ which saw one major revelation and one major death.

At first, things were looking up for Norma Bates: last week, her cop boyfriend Zack destroyed the evidence that would have (rightfully) convicted her of murder.  Hooray!  This week, she found out he was a sex slave trafficker.  Boo!  Then, Zack found out Norman was hiding his sex slave in the hotel.  Uh oh!  Then, Norma’s other son Dylan saved them all by shooting Zack in the face.  Hooray!  Then, Norma told Dylan that Norman’s father didn’t die in a tragic falling-off-the-ladder accident -- Norman murdered him, although he doesn’t remember doing it.

This week on ‘Hannibal’

This week should have been the fourth episode, although it was pulled from the air due to concerns over its ultra-violent nature.  Apparently the episode would have featured guest star Molly Shannon brainwashing children into killing other children.  (Since the pulled episode would have happened so soon after the events in Boston, most people assumed the decision was in response to that, but actually the decision was made a while ago and was more related to the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary.)  Instead, we got the fifth episode, which dealt with the not-violent-at-all topic of a serial killer who peeled the flesh off the backs of his victims to turn them into angels to watch over him while he slept.  Because that’s so much nicer.

It turns out that the serial killer has a brain tumor which has been driving him insane -- and he’s also only killing bad people like rapists -- so he’s kind of a good guy?  The final angel he makes is himself, although how he managed to peel the skin off his own back, fashion the skin into wings, and hoist himself, manacled, to the roof of a barn will forever remain a mystery.

The plot of the cancer-ridden serial killer conveniently helped FBI agent Jack Crawford realize that his own wife has cancer.

Dissection

So. We have one show hitting its low, one show hitting its high, and one show choosing not to air itself for fear of making people upset.

What is so different between events on ‘Bates Motel’ spiraling out of control in a good way versus events on ‘The Following’ spiraling out of control in a bad way?  There’s a fine line between brilliant chaos and just a chaotic mess.

‘The Following’ is filled with ineptitude on the part of the authorities, so shouldn’t one more act of ineptitude have been par for the course?  To be fair, this is a show where there’s a cult of fifty plus homicidal maniacs wreaking havoc on the nation, responsible for the deaths of dozens of people, and yet the FBI repeatedly sends in one or two agents with no backup to apprehend suspects (usually unsuccessfully).  As we witnessed this past week in real-life Boston, a mere two homicidal maniacs being responsible for the deaths of three people led to a city-wide lockdown, the mobilization of hundreds of police and the relatively swift apprehension (or deaths) of both suspects.  The cult on ‘The Following,’ on the other hand, has remained at large for the better part of the season.

Perhaps it’s the real-world horror we as a country went through this past week that finally made incompetence of these fictional officers unbelievable.  Why aren’t they doing more to protect their citizens?  It’s as illogical as it is infuriating.  Or, you know, perhaps it’s just a case of the straw that broke the camel’s back, and this was just one screw-up too many.

Conversely, the writers on ‘Bates Motel’ use increasing levels of chaos to tighten the screws on their characters, revealing as-yet-unseen depths to their psyches.  As Norma’s world collapses around her and she finds herself uncharacteristically out of control of her own fate, she lashes out at the person closest to her: Norman.  Their oedipal bond is no match for her desperation.  Watching mother and son struggle viciously for control of her car as she raved over her boyfriend’s betrayal was both thrilling and heartbreaking.  Seeing Dylan finally rise to the occasion and put his life at risk to protect his dysfunctional family was surprising and heroic.  And Norma telling Dylan the truth about Norman killing his father was an unexpected revelation.  These events gave the chaos in ‘Bates Motel’ a level of credulity that ‘The Following’ sorely lacked.

While ‘The Following’ and ‘Bates Motel’ were busy toeing the line of plausibility, ‘Hannibal’ was toeing a line of a different sort: the line between kid-on-kid violence (not acceptable for television) and skinning the flesh off rapists’ backs (acceptable for television).

I understand that certain topics may be more sensitive by nature than others, and I understand that there are many people in this country who may not want to watch an episode about children being murdered when the events of Sandy Hook are still so fresh in our memories.  But is it really the job of a show about a cannibal to be “sensitive?”  Aren’t there always going to be some people who are offended by any storyline you tackle?  Shouldn’t we let audiences decide what is or isn’t too much by putting a disclaimer before the episode warning of its content?  Isn’t seeing horrific real-life events reflected in the arts (however vaguely) an essential part of the healing process?  After all, in the episode of ‘Hannibal’ that was aired, it wasn’t until Jack Crawford saw his own wife’s condition reflected in the horrific events he was witnessing that he could begin to repair his broken relationship with her.  How interesting that they chose to cut an episode for being too horrifying, and replaced it with an episode that attempted to teach the viewer the potential value of witnessing horrific acts, and the growth that can stem from such experiences.

What did you think of this week in horror?  Were you turned off by the cartoonish events of ‘The Following,’ or are you still along for the bloody ride?  Did you find the twists of ‘Bates Motel’ compelling or are you hoping for more?  Would you have wanted to see the cut episode of ‘Hannibal’ or do you think they made the right decision in skipping it?  And which of these new terrifying shows do you think is the best?  The scariest?  Sound off in the comments!

AMOUR: The most depressing movie about love ever made

I mean, just look at that face.

Here's the other side of that heart-rending image.

Oof.  If you're gonna see this little gem of a Best Picture nominee, it's best to be prepared.  What's the most important thing you need to know about AMOUR?  It's French.







Just kidding.  (Sort of...French films do have a tendency to be numbingly sad.)  What you really should know is there's not much of a plot to be had here.  To give you a bare-bones idea without giving anything away, Georges and Anne are a loving elderly couple living their golden years together, going to concerts and cooking each other meals, when suddenly Anne suffers a stroke.  As her health continues to decline, Georges must struggle to care for his ailing wife.


If this sound like the kind of movie that gets your blood pumping, then...you're weird and must take delight in the misery of others.  There's absolutely nothing enjoyable about sitting through AMOUR.  Nothing.  Other than the knowledge that you're witnessing some incredible performances, the experience is painful, sad, infuriating, excruciating and soul-crushing.  The movie clocks in at a totally reasonable 2 hours and and 7 minutes -- yet manages to feel like a grueling six-hour marathon.

Now, I've seen some depressing movies in my time, including most of the movies on this list, to which I would add HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG, MYSTIC RIVER and IRREVERSIBLE (which is also -- you guessed it -- French!).  In most downer movies there's a cathartic sense of schadenfreude -- at least I didn't have to be euthanized after breaking my spine while boxing.  But AMOUR is different.  Every single one of us is (hopefully) going to grow old and our health will start to deteriorate.  It's the inevitability of what we're watching unfold that is so affecting about this film.  There's absolutely nothing Georges can do to get his beloved Anne back.  And watching him arrive at that realization is utterly heartbreaking.

Emmanuelle Riva (who plays Anne) is, at 86, the oldest Best Actress nominee in Oscar history.  It's a recognition well-deserved, but Jean-Louis Trintignant (who plays Georges) is no less moving.  His is not a one-note sadness; his feelings towards his ailing wife fluctuate between determination, resignation, nostalgia, stubbornness, regret, and sometimes (and most interestingly) anger.  How dare she be leaving him like this?  It's a fascinating reaction and makes the movie feel all the more real.

If you're an Oscar devotee like myself (or just a fan of feeling miserable), then this is a must-see film.  However, if you're looking for a fun Valentine's date movie, I'd maybe steer clear of this one, despite it's misleadingly lovely-sounding title.


What's it nominated for? 5: Best Picture; Best Director (Michael Haneke); Best Actress (Emmanuelle Riva); Best Original Screenplay; Best Foreign Film

Will it win?  Not a chance of winning the Big One -- its honor is being recognized in the category at all.  However, its presence in the Best Picture race at all means its win for Best Foreign Film is all but guaranteed.

PilotWatch: MALIBU COUNTRY

ABC Fridays @ 8:30/7:30c

What's it about?
When Reba's husband, a country music star, cheats on her, Reba moves her fmaily from Nashville to Malibu.  Her mama, Lillie Mae, comes along for their California adventure that starts quickly when they move in next door to Kim, a rich, buxom, blonde housewife.  Having given up her own singing career to raise her two kids, Reba's bent on starting where she left off.
(from ABC.com)

You should watch if...
• ...a show about a country singer living in Malibu sounds like a hysterical fish-out-of-water comedy to you.
• ...you have a hankering for Lily Tomlin on your TV, in however degrading the role.
• ...you feel like the one thing NASHVILLE is missing is a laugh track.

So, how was it?
MALIBU COUNTRY arrived on ABC this past Friday with very little fanfare.  It's funny that this show is airing on the same network as NASHVILLE, as both shows center around a middle-aged female country music star who is trying to make a comeback.  Fortunately for NASHVILLE, and unfortunately for MALIBU COUNTRY, the similarities end there.

The main difference is, obviously, that MALIBU COUNTRY is a multi-cam, live-audience sitcom.  Anyone familiar with my taste in television can tell you that I am generally not a fan of that genre.  However, duty required that I sit through the first episode, so sit through it I did.  And it's actually not as horrible as a lot of other multi-cam comedies, and way better than the dreck it's paired with on Friday nights (Tim Allen's horrifically offensive LAST MAN STANDING).  There's a reason that Reba McEntire already has a successful sitcom under her belt -- she's engaging, relatable, and knows how to land a punchline.  (Whether or not you find that punchline funny is an entirely different matter.)

How Reba roped Lily Tomlin in to co-star in this is a mystery to me.  Ms. Tomlin plays Reba's grey-haired mother who starts self-medicating with marijuana lollipops within approximately five minutes of arriving in California.  Because Lily Tomlin is Lily Tomlin, her scenes are funny, but I have a hard time believing that the pot-addled grandmother won't become tiresome after another, oh, one episode.  If this were a one-time thing, I wouldn't mind that Ms. Tomlin donated her superb craft to this unremarkable role, but the fact that it might keep her talent tied up for months (or, god forbid, years) is a tragedy.

While MALIBU COUNTRY purports to be about a woman who wakes up to find that she is middle-aged and unsuccessful, it's really just a thinly-veiled fish-out-of-water comedy.  Most of the scenes in the pilot are used to highlight the difference between the laid-back, wholesome people of Nashville and the plastic-surgery-loving, overly-dramatic, shallow people of Malibu.  Somehow I think the bulk of this show's audience will hail from the former location and not the latter.  Just a hunch.

And the verdict is...
Meh. Not the worst but not for me.
While I can't say I laughed out loud at any point or even particularly enjoyed myself while watching MALIBU COUNTRY, I can say that I never groaned out loud and facepalmed like I did multiple times while watching other ABC multi-cam sitcoms like LAST MAN STANDING and WORK IT!  So Reba does have that going for her.  I suspect that being paired with the similarly low-brow LAST MAN STANDING on Friday nights with no competition to speak of will result in the show becoming a middling success.  I will be surprised if it doesn't get a full season pick-up, but I will be surprised if I ever tune back in again.

What did you think, Fellow Addicts?  Did you find yourself enjoying MALIBU COUNTRY?  Or did it make you wish for a pot-lollipop to dull the pain?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of MALIBU COUNTRY?

PilotWatch: EMILY OWENS, M.D.

CW Tuesdays @ 9/8c

What's it about?
At long last, Emily Owens feels like she is an actual grown-up.  She can finally put her high school days as the geeky-girl-with-flop-sweats behind her.  She's graduated from medical school, and she's beginning an internships at Denver Memorial Hospital, where, not-so-coincidentally, her med-school crush Will Collins is also an intern.  So why does everyone keep warning Emily that the hospital is just like high school?  She will soon find out the hard way.  Even with the long hours, the heavy workload, and no shortage of personal drama filling her first days as an intern, Emily still fees like she's the new geeky kid all over again, and it's just as awkward as high school.  At Denver Memorial, Emily is just beginning to learn that although she may be a geek, she may also grow to be a great doctor, flop sweats and all.
(from CW.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you need another surgical intern TV show post-SCRUBS/GREY'S ANATOMY.
• ...you need another TV show with an "adorkable," insecure, bumbling female lead.
• ...you're following the careers of Meryl Streep's seemingly endless brood of blonde actress daughters.

So, how was it?
I'm a huge fan of Mamie Gummer's work on THE GOOD WIFE -- her deceptively naive midwestern Lawyer, Nancy Crozier, has been a devious and delightful adversary.  So I was looking forward to seeing Ms. Gummer get a chance to headline her own show, although I was at the same time a bit nervous, considering A) it's just another doctor show and B) it's on the CW.

As I suspected, Ms. Gummer is by far the best thing about this show.  It's refreshing to see a show on the CW not starring a stick-thin, runway-ready, drop-dead gorgeous model/actress.  Not that Mamie Gummer is unattractive, but she's decidedly more "real" looking than any other actress on the CW I can think of off the top of my head.  It's especially fortunate they went for talent over looks this time, considering the show isn't actually all that great.  This would be a certified flop if you swapped out, say, Kristin Kreuk for the lead.

EMILY OWENS, M.D. sadly brings nothing new to the operating table (rimshot!) -- it's just another iteration of the medical intern genre already pioneered by both SCRUBS and GREY'S ANATOMY.  As GA has just begun its ninth season, there's very little of that dead horse left to beat, but the CW execs seem to think it's a great time to resurrect it.  Too bad, then, that they essentially carbon-copied the GA pilot instead of finding anything new to say.  Consider:  We're following our nervous blonde medical intern with a thing for voiceovers on her first day at a teaching hospital.  She meets the other interns in the locker room, among whom are friends, foes, and potential lovers.  There's a black Chief of Surgery.  Their resident is unforgivingly tough, and starts the day by outlining her long list of rules.  The nervous blonde intern is put in charge of a young patient whose seemingly innocuous condition takes a sudden turn for the worse when no one else is around and she has to run the code herself.  One intern has a tough-as-nails doctor parent.  Another doctor has a parent who has a life-threatening medical condition that's being kept secret.  Ring any bells?  (If you're not familiar with GA, every single one of those plot points is taken DIRECTLY from the pilot of that show.)

The only differences between the EO pilot and the GA pilot are that Emily underscores the entire hour with voiceovers, as opposed to the opening and closing monologues by Meredith Grey; Emily is much more the "lead" of EO, whereas Meredith is just the focal point of a large ensemble cast; and the unavoidable love story on EO is so much more cliché.  Remember the surprise of finding out Meredith's one-night stand was actually her boss and the awkwardness that ensued?  On EO, we're treated to a boring love triangle where the lead is obsessed with a guy who's no good for her while another equally cute guy doctor is secretly pining after her.  Been there, done that.

All of this probably makes it sound like I loathed the show; I didn't.  Mamie Gummer is such a magnetic actress -- she oozes relatability -- that you can't help but fall in love with her.  I just hope that her character undergoes some fast change and outgrows her "adorkableness" (she is currently given to using words like 'ooky' and staring at men's jawlines).  I also hope the writers decide to find a unique voice for the show -- even its marketing campaign is a carbon copy of another medical show this year -- THE MINDY PROJECT.  (TMP tagline: For everyone whose life is a work in progress. EO tagline: Practicing medicine. Working on life.)

And the verdict is:
Okay. I may give it another episode or two to see if it gets better.
Based on Ms. Gummer alone, I'm willing to give this show one or two more episodes to see if it will come into its own and stop borrowing (or stealing wholesale) plots from earlier, better shows.  If EMILY OWENS, M.D. doesn't improve, then I'll just cross my fingers and hope for an early cancellation so Ms. Gummer can move on to something deserving of her talents.

What about you, Fellow Addicts?  Will you be checking into Denver Memorial Hospital for another visit?  Or have you already signed your discharge papers?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of EMILY OWENS, M.D.?

PilotWatch: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

CW Thursdays @ 9/8c

What's it about?
Catherine "Cat" Chandler is a smart, no-nonsense homicide detective, who is haunted by her own tragic past.  When she was a teenager, Cat witnessed the murder of her mother at the hands of two gunmen.  Cat would have been killed too, but someone - or something - saved her.  No one has ever believed her, but she knows it wasn't an animal that attacked the assassins...though it was strange and terrifying, it was human.  Years have passed, and although she thinks about her mother every day, Cat is now strong and confident, a capable police detective working with her equally talented partner, Tess Vargas.  While investigating a new case Cat and Tess discover fingerprints that lead to a handsome doctor named Vincent Keller, who was reportedly killed by enemy fire while serving in Afghanistan in 2002.  Digging deeper, Cat learns that Vincent is actually still alive.  For mysterious reasons that have forced him to live outside of traditional society, Vincent has been in hiding for the past 10 years.  With the help of his childhood friend J.T. Forbes, Vincent has been able to guard his terrible secret - when he is enraged, he becomes a terrifying beast, unable to control his super-strength and heightened senses.  Cat is stunned when Vincent admits he was the "animal" who saved her the night of her mother's murder.  Vincent doesn't admit the whole truth - he is emotionally tied to Cat and has been watching over her for years.
(from CW.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you can buy Kristin Kreuk as a "smart, no-nonsense homicide detective."
• ...you can buy a handsome doctor with a scar on his cheek as the "Beast."
• ...you really, really need a good laugh on Thursday nights.

So, how was it?
Do you really need me to spell out how horrible this show was for you?  Fine, if you insist.  But let me be brief.  Here's a list:

• Kristin Kreuk (SMALLVILLE) plays Cat, a wispy young woman who decided to become an NYPD detective instead of a lawyer after watching her mother gunned down in front of her.  She struts around like a seasoned cop (she's so cool!), she follows up on leads without her partner (she's so smart!), and she beats up on men literally twice her size (she's so strong!).  Oh, and she also falls for the mysterious dude with a scar on his face and pretty intense anger management issues (she's such a good role model!).

• Jay Ryan (TERRA NOVA) is Vincent aka the "Beast" of this story.  Somewhere along the line, the writers seem to have forgotten what source material their show took its name from.  Or maybe it's my memory that's faulty - isn't the Beast supposed to be a conceited man cursed to look like a hideous monster?  Well, in this iteration he's a handsome young doctor who volunteered for the Army after his brother was killed in 9/11 and underwent an experimental procedure that now causes him to become an uncontrollable rage monster when his adrenaline spikes.  The exact science behind his affliction seems a bit sketchy to me, but short of turning green, isn't this more an adaptation of The Incredible Hulk than Beauty And The Beast?

• They've turned a scary, romantic, complex fairy tale into a police procedural.  Okay, I understand wanting to update a fairy tale to modern times (just look at the success of ONCE UPON A TIME), but a police procedural?  I mean, really??  As though there aren't enough of those already... And making Cat (Belle) and Vincent (Beast) basically cop buddies who run around NYC solving crimes together? Come onnnnn.

And the verdict is:
Atrocious. I will never watch this show again. Ever.
As if the three bullet points above aren't enough to make you roll your eyes in disbelief, there's also the clunky, groan-inducing writing, the totally uninteresting murder mystery, and the horrible visual effects (CW obviously blew their whole effects budget this year on ARROW).  Steer clear of this dud at all costs.  You were warned.

What did you think, Fellow Addicts?  Were you as appalled as I was by the desecration of a beloved fairy tale?  Or did you, god forbid, actually find something to enjoy about it?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of BEAUTY AND THE BEAST?

PilotWatch: ARROW

CW Wednesdays @ 8/7c

What's it about?
After a violent shipwreck, billionaire playboy Oliver Queen was missing and presumed dead for five years before being discovered alive on a remote island in the Pacific.  When he returns home to Starling City, his devoted mother Moira, much-beloved sister Thea, and best friend Tommy welcome him home, but they sense Oliver has been changed by his ordeal on the island.  While Oliver hides the truth about the man he's become, he desperately wants to make amends for the actions he took as the boy he was.  Most particularly, he seeks reconciliation with his former girlfriend, Laurel Lance.  As Oliver reconnects with those closest to him, he secretly creates the persona of Arrow - a vigilante - to right the wrongs of his family, fight the ills of society, and restore Starling City to its former glory.  By day, Oliver plays the role of a wealthy, carefree and careless philanderer he used to be - flanked by his devoted chauffer/bodyguard, John Diggle - while carefully concealing the secret identity he turns to under cover of darkness.  However, Laurel's father, Detective Quentin Lance, is determined to arrest the vigilante operating in his city.  Meanwhile, Oliver's own mother, Moira, knows much more about the deadly shipwreck than she has let on - and is more ruthless than he could ever imagine.
(from CW.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you're a comic book fan.
• ...you're an action movie fan.
• ...you're a CW fan.

So, how was it?
First of all, let me say that I am not familiar at all with the Green Arrow comics, so I will be judging the show based solely on its own merits, and not on its source material.  With that out of the way, let me next admit that I enjoyed the ARROW pilot way more than I expected to.  I've never been a huge CW fan -- I watched RINGER last year, but that was more out of a train-wreck level of fascination than anything else.  But ARROW seems promising, at least in a fun, pulpy, escapist way.

Those unfamiliar with Green Arrow (like myself) may be struck at the apparent mishmash of different source materials.  The weakest part about this show is that there is nothing inherently unique about it.  The rich boy scarred by tragedy donning a costume and using his infinite resources to fight crime in his beloved city is straight out of Batman.  The secretly-brooding crime-fighter outwardly maintaining his billionaire playboy image is pulled from both Batman and Iron Man.  The superhero with a love interest whose father is a cop devoted to hunting down the "dangerous vigilante" is just like Spider-Man.  The gritty, "realistic" tone is reminiscent of Nolan's Dark Knight films.  The wealthy child returning to his hometown to wreak vengeance on those who hurt his family, complete with a handy checklist of villains, is pulled directly from ABC'S REVENGE (or, more accurately, from The Count Of Monte Cristo, the material REVENGE itself is inspired by).  Because of this, some may spend a good bit of time during the pilot thinking, "been there, seen that."  However, there is enough going for this series for it to transcend its myriad inspirations.

Stephen Amell (HUNG, PRIVATE PRACTICE) stars as Oliver Queen, aka Arrow.  He's your typical CW hunk, with a chiseled jawline, intense stare, and abs of steel.  But he also surprised me by not being totally wooden -- I believed him both in flashbacks as a rich delinquent, as a terrified youth in a shipwreck, and as a tortured young man dealing with the aftermath of mysterious, traumatic events.  And he can kick serious butt.  One thing I found refreshing about Oliver's superhero alter ego, and something that helps to distinguish him from Batman, is his total willingness to kill bad guys.  It makes the show darker, the character more complex -- he's fighting crime, but he's also essentially a murderer.

Amell is joined by a generally terrific supporting cast.  CW mainstay Katie Cassidy (GOSSIP GIRL, SUPERNATURAL, MELROSE PLACE, also the underrated HARPER'S ISLAND), is Oliver's love interest, Laurel Lance.  Laurel at first appears to be a cliché whip-smart, plucky, idealistic heroine (she's a young, justice-obsessed lawyer), but she and Oliver share a surprisingly dark backstory that made me more interested in her character than I initially thought I would be.  Paul Blackthorne (24, THE RIVER), is Quentin Lance, Laurel's father and the detective obsessed with bringing Arrow to justice, who also harbors a well-deserved grudge against Oliver.  Susanna Thompson (ONCE AND AGAIN, KINGS) is Oliver's mother, Moira, who is a large reason I will keep tuning in, due to a last-minute twist.

In a time when genre shows attempt to pander to a family-friendly audience (in an effort to achieve the highest ratings possible) to their detriment (*cough*terranova*cough*), it was refreshing to see a comic book/fantasy/sci-fi show embrace its dark nature.  What with Oliver's willingness to kill, his dark backstory with Laurel and her father, a surprising last minute twist, and a particularly brutal scene in a lifeboat, ARROW is decidedly not family-friendly fare.

Perhaps the show's strongest asset is its flashback-heavy structure.  As someone unfamiliar with the source material, I can't wait to see Oliver's backstory unfold and learn more about how he became a superhero.  I'm glad that the writers chose not to go a linear route and explain his whole backstory in the pilot, ending with him returning to Starling City to pursue justice.  It's clear from the way they've structured the pilot that there is much more than meets the eye in regards to what happened to Oliver on the island and the shady events that led up to the shipwreck.  As a die-hard LOST fan, I'm interested as a rule in any show built around flashbacks.

And the verdict is:
Solid. I'm interested and will definitely keep watching for the foreseeable future.
While not the most original, unique, or ground-breaking show, ARROW is good fun and a solid genre show in a time of light-hearted fantasy fare.  I'm looking forward to watching the flashbacks unfold and the introduction of more long-term villains.  Unless there's a sudden dip in quality, I can see ARROW becoming a fun diversion I look forward to every week.  Here's hoping.

Your turn, Fellow Addicts!  Were you surprised by how fun (and dark) ARROW was?  Or did you find it too unoriginal to be exciting?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of ARROW?

PilotWatch: NASHVILLE

ABC Wednesdays @ 10/9c

What's it about?
Music legend Rayna Jaymes reigns as the Queen of Country, but after two decades, her grip on the throne is slipping.  Rayna refuses to be steamrolled by her record label as they present a new arrangement.  And in the face of an evolving industry, Rayna is struggling to adapt and reinvent herself, which she must do if she plans to stay relevant.  Juliette Barnes is sexy, sassy, and trails trouble in her wake -- she's also the country's #1 crossover artist.  In her climb to the top, Juliette's public image is threatened by circumstances she struggles to control.  And while she is determined to sit on Rayna's throne, Juliette refuses to deal with her difficult past.  Nashville is Music City U.S.A.  It's where today's top recording artists lay down tracks while tomorrow's undiscovered talent fight to be heard.  With the backdrop of a thriving contemporary music scene, and a tense mayoral race, NASHVILLE takes us into the cutthroat world of music and politics, showing what it really means to become a star and stay one.
(from ABC.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you're a fan of country music.
• ...you're a fan of Connie Britton or Hayden Panettierre.
• ...you're a fan of compelling television.

So, how was it?
NASHVILLE is one of 2012's best-written, most compelling dramas.  It's full of complex characters, beautiful music, and backstabbing back-room deals.  What more could you want from a show?

Connie Britton burns up the screen as Rayna Jaymes, the aging Queen of Country determined to hold on to her crown.  She's nominally our heroine, yet she is deeply flawed -- insecure, competitive, stubborn, scared and proud.  She flows with ease between commanding stage performances, quiet personal moments, and hysterical screaming matches.  Fans of FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS or AMERICAN HORROR STORY will be thrilled to see the talented Ms. Britton shining front-and-center for once.  NASHVILLE will rise or fall based on her performance, and one episode in, it's a rousing success.

It doesn't hurt that she's surrounded by a cast of equally-layered characters played by equally-talented performers.  Hayden Panettiere is Juliette Barnes (aka Taylor Swift's evil, slutty twin), the young starlet poised to dethrone Rayna.  She's conniving, manipulative, and hungry for power, but also possesses an undeniable talent, as well as a family history she'd rather keep secret.  Powers Boothe (24) chews up the scenery as Rayna's powerful father.  Relative newcomer Clare Bowen and Sam Palladio (EPISODES) are two up-and-coming talents whose soulful duet is one of the pilot's highlights.

Apart from the powerhouse performances, the best thing about NASHVILLE is its authenticity.  Shot on location in Tennessee, the pilot features such famous places as the Grand Ole Opry and the Bluebird Cafe.  All of the original music is executive produced by T-Bone Burnett and written by the likes of John Paul White of The Civil Wars.  The show, while ostensibly about Rayna and Juliette, manages to be so much more -- it's as much about the discovery of new talent, the running of a record label, and the songwriting process, as it is about the power struggle between two divas.

My one issue with the show is its political subplot.  In the middle of the fascinating, in-depth look at the music business, we get a cliché story line about a possibly corrupt man and his interest in the race for mayor of Nashville.  At least in the pilot, this subplot felt like a superfluous distraction from the main event.  Hopefully the race will either become integral to the plot or be dropped quickly.  But that's a minor quibble from a fantastic hour of television.

And the verdict is:
Certifiably ADDICTive. A must-see.
In a world of shaky pilots that may or may not find their footing as good shows, NASHVILLE arrives loudly and proudly on the scene, fully confident of what kind of series it wants to be.  It's this self-assurance that will draw in viewers and keep them coming back for more.  With its focus on such a popular genre of music, its compelling characters, and its authentic atmosphere, I will be shocked if this doesn't become one of 2012's biggest breakout hits.

Your turn, Fellow Addicts! Are you as addicted as I am to the world of NASHVILLE? Or were you not a fan?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of NASHVILLE?

PilotWatch: CHICAGO FIRE

NBC Wednesdays @ 10/9c

What's it about?
From renowned, Emmy Award-winning executive producer Dick Wolf ("Law & Order" brand) and creators Derek Haas and Michael Brandt, the writing team behind "3:10 to Yuma," comes the high-octane drama "Chicago Fire," - an edge-of-your-seat view into the lives of everyday heroes committed to one of America's noblest professions.  For the firefighters, rescue squad and paramedics of Chicago Firehouse 51, no occupation is more stressful or dangerous, yet so rewarding and exhilarating.  These courageous men and women are among the elite who forge headfirst into danger when everyone else is running the other way and whose actions make the difference between life and death.  The pressure to perform on such a high level has a way of taking a personal toll, sometimes putting team members from the Truck and the specially trained Rescue Squad at odds with each other.  Despite any differences, this is an extended family, and when it's "go time," everyone inside Firehouse 51 knows no other way...
(from NBC.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you're desperate for a procedural that doesn't involve lawyers or doctors or cops.
• ...you've got a thing for excessively manly men staring broodingly at each other.
• ...you're a pyromaniac.

So, how was it?
It's hard to believe that this train wreck of a show made it to the air over other NBC pilots such as Bryan Fuller's MOCKINGBIRD LANE (which will now be burnt off as a Friday-before-Halloween one-night special -- watch the trailer for it here.)  I was also surprised by how tired it already felt, one episode in, especially coming from the mind of the famous Dick Wolf -- and then I remembered how many different versions of LAW & ORDER there have been and realized that while crafting procedurals that draw huge audiences may be one of Wolf's strengths, originality definitely isn't.

While I'm not the biggest fan of procedurals, especially without a unique spin to catch my interest, LAW & ORDER is at least fun in that time-killing, watch-it-while-it's-on-at-the-laundromat way, I can't imagine myself ever paying attention to another hour of CHICAGO FIRE.  And that's due mainly to the large cast filled with unappealing characters.  Seriously, I did not sympathize with one person in this show.  Jesse Spencer (HOUSE) is Matt, who's supposed to be our quiet hero, and instead comes across as a mopey block of wood.  He might be the least annoying character, but that's easy to accomplish when you have zero personality.  Taylor Kinney (THE VAMPIRE DIARIES; also Lady Gaga's boyfriend) is Kelly, the cliché overly-macho jerk who makes everyone's life a living hell but actually harbors a secret pain (I mean that literally - he has pain in his shoulder and it's a secret).  Monica Raymund (THE GOOD WIFE) is Gabriela, the EMT who we're supposed to identify with because of her insecurities, but really she just shouldn't be an EMT if she can't handle the pressure that comes with the job.  Lauren German (HAWAII FIVE-0) is Leslie, Gabriela's EMT partner, who's entire character can be summed up in one words: lesbian.  I know we're supposed to be proud of how progressive the writers are, but her sole defining characteristic is that she's gay, as if that alone is enough to automatically make her interesting.  And newcomer Charlie Barnett is newcomer Peter Mills, who longs to be taken seriously by his fellow firemen, but can't stop looking around with a dopey smile like a kid in a candy store.

Maybe with at least one or two interesting characters, I could have forgiven the hokey action scenes (how many deadly house fires are there in Chicago per day?), the cliché drama ("it's your fault he died!" "no it's your fault he died!"), and the insane fact that every firefighter and EMT working in Firehouse 51 is a chiseled, tan, perfectly-coiffed, tight-tanktop-wearing model who is actually terrible at their job.  Oh wait.  No I couldn't.  Nothing could have saved this show from being a dead-on-arrival flop.

And the verdict is:
Atrocious. I will never watch this show again. Ever.
I have a difficult time believing that this garbage will find as big a following as L&O - hopefully it'll get cancelled soon and everyone can just pretend that this embarrassment never happened.

What do you think, Fellow Addicts?  Am I being too hard on the show?  Or did you find it as painfully bad as I did?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of CHICAGO FIRE?

PilotWatch: 666 PARK AVENUE

ABC Sundays @ 10/9c

What's it about?
What would you do to have everything you desire?  Step inside 666 PARK AVENUE, New York's most seductive address.  We all have some burning needs, desires and ambitions.  For the residents of The Drake, the premier apartment building on Manhattan's Upper East Side, these will all be met - for a price - courtesy of the building's mysterious owner, Gavin Doran.  But be careful what you wish for, because the price you have to pay is your soul.
(from ABC.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you like a little creep factor in your drama, but were too freaked out by AMERICAN HORROR STORY.
• ...you need another sexy, soapy drama to follow your weekly REVENGE viewing.
• ...you're a Terry O'Quinn or Vanessa Williams fan ("If?" Who am I kidding, of course you are, they're freakin' fantastic.)

So, how was it?
It's becoming more and more clear that the old maxim is true -- that there are no original ideas left.  There can of course be variations and unique executions, but basically everything's already been done.  And Hollywood is one of the biggest culprits in the idea-stealing business.  That's why last season saw the premieres of two fairy-tale themed shows (ONCE UPON A TIME, GRIMM), and this season saw two competing BEAUTY AND THE BEAST projects (only one of which made it to air, but still).  So it's clear with this show that ABC is capitalizing on the huge success of FX's spooky drama AMERICAN HORROR STORY last year.  666 PARK AVENUE is essentially a network-suitable (read: tamer) version of that blood-soaked ghost-sex fest.  (But thank god it's at least not another lawyer/cop/doctor show!)

Fortunately for us, 666 PARK AVENUE is more a variation on the now-popular haunted house theme and less a direct ripoff of AHS.  There is enough here that is different to separate the two shows while still taking advantage of the burgeoning interest in horror as a TV genre.  Where AHS was a chaotic (but fun) mess of spirits and ghosts, all of which seemed to follow different rules, it is clear from the start that there is a very specific story to The Drake and its inhabitants - a mythology that will unfold throughout the course of the season (and series, perhaps - if it lives that long).

In a beautifully-shot, cringe-inducing opening sequence, we are introduced Gavin Doran, owner of The Drake, played by the always-captivating Terry O'Quinn (LOST).  (Side note: Drake means 'Dragon,' and Gavin Doran is an anagram for Vain Dragon. Coincidence?)  We quickly learn he makes a habit of striking faustian bargains with the residents of his building.  We're led to believe that he's basically the devil, or at least an agent of the devil, but I bet there's more to that story (there pretty much has to be).  His wife Olivia is played by the still-gorgeous Vanessa Williams (DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES, UGLY BETT) (she really never ages, does she?); Olivia is, at least in the pilot, a less-important presence than her husband, although her few scenes were some of the most interesting ones, in my opinion.  That's my requirement for the writers going forward: more Vanessa Williams, please!

Our protagonists are a young couple who have just moved into The Drake to be the new building managers.  They are Jane (Rachael Taylor of CHARLIE'S ANGELS and GREY'S ANATOMY) and Henry (Dave Annable of BROTHERS & SISTERS) -- they have moved to NYC for Henry's city planning job and Jane, a former architecture student, is the one who assumes most of the managing duties.  Rachael Taylor makes for a lovely and accessible leading lady, who is both intrigued and slightly disturbed by The Drake's mysterious atmosphere.  Dave Annable is by far the weaker of the two leads, but he's not given much to do in the pilot other than look cute and get in a bathtub with his wife.  And I have to say, his constant half-smirk-talking-through-the-corner-of-his-mouth thing drove me inSANE.  But 3 out of 4 solid leads ain't bad.  We're also introduced to several residents of The Drake, including a peeping-tom playwright, his bossy photographer wife, a recent widower, and a young psychic kleptomaniac (yep, that happens).

Not everything works -- while there are some genuinely creepy moments (a violinist's fingers shredding on his strings, a ghostly visitation in the basement, a tense exchange during the opera), there are also a few moments of over-the-top hokeyness ruined by bad TV special effects.  The writers need to remember going forward that less is always more, and what's scariest is usually what isn't shown.  But if they stick to creepy rather than hokey, and continue to capitalize on their strong cast of performers, there's no reason this show shouldn't become a success, especially given its genius time slot.  Placing this soapy, sexy drama on Sunday nights after last year's most popular soapy, sexy drama (REVENGE, of course), all but guarantees that 666 PARK AVENUE will find an audience.

And the verdict is:
Solid. I'm interested and will definitely keep watching.
With some 300+ residents of The Drake, there's a potential for 666 PARK AVENUE to dip into procedural, faustian-bargain-of-the-week territory.  Here's hoping that, even if this happens, the show will mostly continue to explore the mythology established in the pilot and develop its characters as much as its scare tactics.

Your turn, Fellow Addicts!  Were you seduced by 666 PARK AVENUE?  Or are you already checking out?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of 666 PARK AVENUE?

PilotWatch: MADE IN JERSEY

CBS Fridays @ 9/8c

What's it about?
MADE IN JERSEY is a drama about a young working-class woman who uses her street smarts to compete among her pedigreed Manhattan colleagues at a prestigious New York law firm.  Martina Garretti finds her firm's cutthroat landscape challenging, but what she lacks in an Ivy League education she more than makes up for with tenacity and blue-collar insight.  After just a few weeks, firm founder Donovan Stark takes note of Martina's ingenuity and resourcefulness, as does third-year chair Nolan Adams, who is part of Manhattan's royal literati; Riley Prescott, a second-year at Stark & Rowan and the daughter of the former U.S. Ambassador to Sweden; her sassy secretary, Cyndi Vega; and River, a former LAPD detective turned firm investigator.  With the support of her big Italian family, including her sexy older sister Bonnie and her encouraging mother Darlene, Martina is able to stay true to her roots as a bold, passionate lawyer on the rise in a new intimidating environment.
(from CBS.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you really, really need another lawyer drama in your life.
• ...you really, really need another depiction of big-haired Jersey girls in your life.
• ...you really, really need something mindless to do at 9pm on your Friday nights.

So, how was it?
Until the moment I sat down to watch the pilot of MADE IN JERSEY and saw that the run-time was 42 minutes, I could have sworn that this was a new CBS sitcom.  I mean, just look at that poster up there.  What about that says serious lawyer drama?  I seriously thought this was going to be a comedy.  And maybe that would've been better.  As it is, MADE IN JERSEY is nothing more than your run-of-the-mill courtroom procedural.  The only thing that separates this show from the pack is that its lead is (GASP) a big-haired Jersey girl.

The pilot feels like a Direct-to-Video ripoff of LEGALLY BLONDE that you would find on the back shelf of Blockbusters (back when Blockbusters existed).  Just like Elle Woods, our heroine Martina Garretti solves murder cases with the help of her knowledge of fashion and hair care.  Really the only difference between this show and that movie is that the lead is an accented Italian instead of a ditzy blonde, it takes place in Manhattan instead of Harvard, and it's played totally straight instead of being a hysterical satire.  So basically, it's LEGALLY BLONDE without anything that made LEGALLY BLONDE great.

All that being said, MADE IN JERSEY isn't the worst show I've ever seen.  There's just nothing remotely special about it.  You've gotta give kudos to the creators for trying to give people a more serious look at Jersey girls after their horrific portrayals in shows like JERSEY SHORE and the REAL HOUSEWIVES franchise.  But why then, if that was their intent, did they cast British actress Janet Montgomery (ENTOURAGE, HUMAN TARGET) as the very Italian Martina, complete with over-the-top accent and an introduction where we see Martina go into a meeting in just her bra and jacket after spilling soap all over her blouse?  They crafted a serious drama to humanize this girl from Jersey, and then made her just another parody.  I suppose her clumsy behavior and heavy accent are supposed to make her relatable, but really they just make her a different kind of stereotype.

There's the usual roster of guest stars (Kyle MacLachlan, Donna Murphy, Felix Solis), but none of them are given enough to do to really elevate the show past mediocrity.  It doesn't help that the show was given the oddest of time slots.  Friday evening is usually the death slot shows get moved to when they're on the verge of cancellation or at the end of their runs -- it's not really a place new shows get a chance to thrive.  And it's sandwiched weirdly between CSI: NY and BLUE BLOODS, both of which seem targeted at a very different audience than MADE IN JERSEY.  Between the poor advertising, the terrible time slot, and the unoriginal premise, this show never really stood a chance -- it premiered to a miserable 1.1 rating, down 20% from A GIFTED MAN'S premiere last year, a show that didn't make it past its first season.

And the verdict is:
Atrocious. I will never watch this show again. Ever.
Maybe atrocious is too harsh of a word for this show, but I certainly have no intention of watching it ever again, and I doubt many other people do either.  Given the lower standards of Friday night, MADE IN JERSEY could potentially stretch itself out for a full season, like A GIFTED MAN, but certainly no further.  But the fact that it premiered a good bit lower than A GIFTED MAN points towards an early cancellation.  So if for some reason you did find yourself connecting with Martina, don't get too attached.

What did you think, Fellow Addicts?  Do you predict an early death for MADE IN JERSEY?  Or do you think it has potential to grow?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of MADE IN JERSEY?

PilotWatch: ELEMENTARY

CBS Thursdays @ 10/9c

What's it about?
ELEMENTARY stars Johnny Lee Miller as detective Sherlock Holmes and Lucy Liu as Dr. Joan Watson in a modern-day drama about a crime-solving duo that cracks the NYPD's most impossible cases.  Following his fall from grace in London and a stint in rehab, eccentric Sherlock escapes to Manhattan where his wealthy father forces him to live with his worst nightmare - a sober companion, Dr. Watson.  A successful surgeon until she lost a patient and her license three years ago, Watson views her current job as another opportunity to help people, as well as paying a penance.  However, the restless Sherlock is nothing like her previous clients.  He informs her that none of her expertise as an addiction specialist applies to him and he's devised his own post-rehab regimen - resuming his work as a police consultant in New York City.  Watson has no choice but to accompany her irascible new charge on his jobs.  But Sherlock finds her medical background helpful, and Watson realizes she has a knack for playing investigator.  Sherlock's police contact, Capt. Tobias "Toby" Gregson, knows from previous experience working with Scotland Yard that Sherlock is brilliant at closing cases, and welcomes him as part of the team.  With the mischievous Sherlock Holmes now running free in New York solving crime, it's simple deduction that he's going to need someone to keep him grounded, and it's elementary that it's a job for Watson.
(from CBS.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you like your crime procedurals gussied up with a bit of flair.
• ...you like your television shows with a bit of stylish cinematography.
• ...you're curious to see whether or not the world has room for yet another adaptation of Sherlock.

So, how was it?
Between VEGAS and now ELEMENTARY, this seems to be the season of CBS trying to disguise their crime procedurals inside what initially appear to be more interesting shows (a period gangster drama, an adaptation of a beloved character).  Thankfully, ELEMENTARY manages to succeed where VEGAS falters, due largely to the fact that it doesn't really try to hide that it's a procedural.  While I tuned in to VEGAS expecting a network version of BOARDWALK EMPIRE only to be disappointed by its procedural nature, with ELEMENTARY, everyone was expecting a show about an eccentric British detective solving a series of murders in New York City.  Maybe it's because my expectations were more in line with what I ended up getting, but I by far preferred ELEMENTARY.

The one thing the two shows do have in common (other than being procedurals) is the high quality of actors that were attracted to the projects.  ELEMENTARY stars Johnny Lee Miller as Sherlock (you may remember him as the villain Jordan Chase from Season 5 of DEXTER or as the hallucinating lawyer ELI STONE), and Lucy Liu as Watson (no introduction necessary, I hope).  Mr. Miller brings the same kind of manic energy to the role that has become synonymous with the role of Sherlock.  That high-pitched energy may take some getting used to for some viewers (much like Dr. House's eccentricities), but it's a rhythm you settle into eventually.  And whereas other actors who have portrayed Sherlock have imbued that frantic energy with playfulness or insanity or what have you, Mr. Miller fills his mania with a deeply-rooted sadness.  He's obviously very intelligent, driven and socially inept like all Sherlocks, but there's a depression to the role that I'm interested to see explored more fully (that will also answer the question of his "fall from grace" and departure from London, I'm sure).

Casting Ms. Liu as a female Watson was a stroke of genius.  She's actually a very underrated actress (coming off a great arc on SOUTHLAND), and brings a nice juxtaposition of steeliness and insecurity to her role as a former surgeon who finds herself relegated to glorified babysitting.  A large part of the thrill of the first hour was watching Liu's Watson discover how much she actually likes solving crimes.  The creators have promised that there will never be any romance between Holmes and Watson, and I hope they keep that promise -- their relationship is already so well-crafted and specific, it'd be a shame to ruin it with will-they-won't-they drama.

The pilot is beautifully shot, with a gorgeous slow-motion murder opening the hour.  Other standout shots include a visit to the opera and the grisly discovery of a body.  The murder mystery itself was, if not the most brilliant, at least serviceable in introducing the audience to Sherlock's capabilities.  Sherlock has always been unique in the way that he solves crimes, and that will help ELEMENTARY remain memorable against the countless other procedurals on the air (I hope).  Instead of using high-tech forensic tools or chasing suspects on foot through grungy alleys or battling it out in the courtroom, Sherlock is old-fashioned in his clue gathering.  He simply notices things that no one else does, and has an encyclopedic knowledge of both the world and the human mind that help him piece things together that no one else can.  He's more Hercule Poirot than Gil Grissom.

ELEMENTARY may not be the most unique new show this season -- it's another procedural, another adaptation of an oft-adapted source -- but it has enough going for it in its strong leads, its detail-oriented crime-solving, and its beautiful cinematography, to make it a sure-fire hit for CBS.  And what Sherlock fan won't want to stick around to see this version's take on Moriarty?

And the verdict is:
Solid. I'm interested and will definitely keep watching.
With the built-in brand name, I don't think there's any way ELEMENTARY won't be one of the biggest drama hits of the season.  I predict a long life for this show.  And it may actually have the honor of being only the second show I've ever followed on CBS (the first being THE GOOD WIFE, natch).  For someone who's not a huge procedural fan, I'm interested enough to give this one a shot for a while.  Hopefully it continues to live up to its stellar pilot.

What about you, Fellow Addicts?  Did you love ELEMENTARY?  Or are you too tired of the countless Holmes adaptations to give it a shot?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of ELEMENTARY?

PIlotWatch: THE NEIGHBORS

ABC Wednesdays @ 8:30/7:30c

What's it about?
Marty Weaver just wants the best for his wife Debbie and their three kids.  That's why he's moving them to Hidden Hills, New Jersey, a gated community complete with its own golf course.  Marty is certain that their new home will be a dream come true.  And then, they meet the neighbors.  The residents of Hidden Hills are a little... different.  Larry Bird introduces himself as the "leader" of the community.  Then, he presents his wife, Jackie Joyner-Kersee and their two sons (yes, they're named after famous athletes -- Dick Butkus and Reggie Jackson).  After Debbie and Marty frantically try to make sense of the weird neighbors -- very European? A cult? Amish athletes? -- they discover that the entire Hidden Hills community is comprised of aliens from the planet Zabvron.  Turns out the Zabvronians have been holed up in Hidden Hills for the past 10 years, awaiting instructions from back home.  And the Weavers are the first humans who have ever lived amongst them.  At first, the Weavers are ready to cut and run.  But the aliens seem harmless enough.  And there is a lot of closet space... So, they decide to stay and help their new neighbors adapt to life on this confusing planet we call home.  As the Weavers and the aliens face the struggles of everyday life together, they discover that some things -- the ups and down sof marriage, the desire to be a good parent and raise a happy family -- are universal.  Intergalactic, even.  And the Weavers realize they've found an ally in the family next door... even if they do cry out of their ears.
(from ABC.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you enjoy non-sequitur bizarro humor.
• ...you're six years old.
• ...you have absolutely nothing better to do while you're waiting for MODERN FAMILY to come on at 9.

So, how was it?
For the network that airs the show that has won the Emmy for Best Comedy Series three years running, ABC has sure had some of the biggest sitcom duds lately.  Last year it was the horrific cross-dressing comedy WORK IT! and this year it's the bizarre, infantile alien comedy THE NEIGHBORS.  Both are destined to be the long-remembered laughing stock of their respective seasons -- but whereas WORK IT! definitely earned that title, THE NEIGHBORS is actually a better show than that politically incorrect mess (though that's not saying much at all).  It's not offensive, it's just... not a good show.

Much derided before its actual premiere for its low-brow, high-concept premise, THE NEIGHBORS never really stood a chance.  It boggles my mind that the series ever even made it to the air -- how many people along the the chain of command had to think it was a good idea?    Imagine the pitch: A suburb populated entirely by extraterrestrials with the names of famous athletes.  I'm sorry, what?  Unlike the other famous alien sitcom, THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN, which used aliens assimilating into human society to actually, you know, say things about human society, THE NEIGHBORS seems aimed more at sight gags than social commentary.  The aliens in this show aren't trying to assimilate into society, they're living isolated, which means they let their freak flags fly.

What passes for humor in this show is pure randomness: aliens walking llamas instead of dogs, trimming hedges with chainsaws instead of clippers, throwing dirty dishes out of the window instead of washing them, etc etc etc.  I guess there may be some people out there who actually find these things funny instead of weirdly mystifying.  The only time the show tries to delve into human concerns, it's disappointingly simplistic and cliché: both the aliens and the humans learn a Very Important Lesson about marriage and what it means to be in a true partnership.  Awww.  Warm fuzzies all around.

The only performance worth writing about is that of Jami Gertz (STILL STANDING) as the mother of the human family that moves to the alien subdivision.  She's clearly an actress of a pedigree way beyond the material, and she strives nobly (but vainly) to elevate every scene she's in with a grounded sensibility the rest of the show could desperately use.

And the verdict is:
* Atrocious. I will never watch this show again. Ever.
As the review for Time put it: "THE NEIGHBORS' problem [...] isn't that it's about aliens.  It's that it has nothing interesting to say about people."  Amen.

Take it away, Fellow Addicts!  Did you find something to like about THE NEIGHBORS?  Or did you just find yourself scratching your heard in bewilderment?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of THE NEIGHBORS?

PilotWatch: VEGAS

CBS Tuesdays @ 10/9c

What's it about?
Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis star in VEGAS, a drama inspired by the true story of former Las Vegas Sheriff Ralph Lamb, a fourth-generation rancher tasked with bringing order to Las Vegas in the 1960s, a gambling and entertainment mecca emerging from the tumbleweeds.  Ralph Lamb wants to be left in peace to run his ranch, but Las Vegas is now swelling with outsiders and corruption which are intruding on his simple life.  Recalling Lamb's command as a military police officer during World War II, the Mayor appeals to his sense of duty to look into a murder of a casino worker - and os begins Lamb's clash with Vincent Savino, a ruthless Chicago gangster who plans to make Vegas his own.  Assisting Lamb in keeping law and order are his two deputies: his diplomatic, even-keeled brother, Jack, and his charming but impulsive son, Dixon.  Ambitious Assistant District Attorney Katherine O'Connell, who grew up on the ranch next to the Lambs, also lends a hand in preserving justice.  In VEGAS, two powerful men - Lamb and Savino - are engaged in a fierce battle for control of the budding oasis, and for both of them, folding is not an option.
(from CBS.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you enjoy period dramas about gangsters.
• ...you enjoy procedural crime shows.
• ...you're a fan of big movie stars headlining your TV shows.

So, how was it?
I'll admit I didn't know much about this show going in other than it was about Las Vegas in the 1960s and it starred Dennis Quaid as a sheriff and Michael Chiklis as a gangster.  Given the period setting, the gambling theme, and the presence of corrupt law enforcement and Chicago gangsters, I was expecting something along the lines of a network version of BOARDWALK EMPIRE.  Imagine my disappointment then, when I watched the pilot and found out that VEGAS shares more DNA with LAW & ORDER than it does with that terrific HBO drama.

Turns out that VEGAS is a pretty standard procedural crime drama disguised in the glitz of a period Vegas setting.  It's as though CBS execs were like, "We need a new idea for a tired format. I know!  Let's set in Las Vegas...IN 1960!"  Actually, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what happened.  Subtlety is not VEGAS' strong suit.  Just look at that poster up there.  There's Dennis Quaid in a white hat against a white background carrying a gun.  Next to him is Michael Chiklis in a black hat against a black background holding a wad of cash.  Gee... I wonder which is the good cop and which is the bad gangster?  The introduction of the characters on the actual show isn't much better.  Dennis Quaid's Ralph Lamb is introduced as he's herding cattle and getting into an argument with a sleazy guy responsible for scattering Lamb's herd.  Clearly he's down-to-earth, noble and strong.  Then Michael Chiklis' Vincent Savino disembarks from a big fancy airplane complete with black hat, squinty leer, and ominous music playing in the background.  Clearly he's rich and menacing.  The show quickly jumped into a not-very-interesting murder mystery and I groaned aloud in disappointment.

Now.  I've gotten all the bad stuff out of the way first.  I'm sure it sounds like I hated the show.  I didn't, really.  It actually has a lot going for it.  Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis are both terrific: Quaid's Lamb is definitely the good guy, but has enough grit and hidden anger to keep him from being entirely uninteresting.  And while Chiklis' Savino is definitely a take on the kind of gangster role that Bobby Cannavale is currently portraying on BOARDWALK EMPIRE (the unpredictably dangerous one), Chiklis is such a watchable actor that he managed to remain engaging.  There's also an absolutely terrific cast of supporting players: Carrie-Anne Moss (THE MATRIX) is a surprisingly strong presence as Katherine, a strong-willed ADA with a childhood connection to Lamb.  Jason O'Mara (TERRA NOVA) is much better suited to his role as Jack, Lamb's stalwart right-hand-man who also happens to be his brother, than he was in last year's epic dinosaur flop.  And Michael O'Neill (from every TV show ever) is great as Ted, the town's capable mayor who shares a past with Lamb.

Secondly, the period setting is extremely well-done: it creates a fantastic atmosphere and the exteriors of the old-time Vegas strip are beautiful.  While it may just be a trick to disguise the procedural nature of the show, it works surprisingly well -- the pilot doesn't feel half as bad as it might have if it were set in modern-day Vegas.  And the hint of an overarching plot between Lamb and Savino has me hopeful that the series can grow into something more than a rote procedural.  After all, one of my favorite shows on network television right now - FRINGE - started as a procedural that many considered an X-FILES ripoff, but evolved into one of the most compelling, smartly-written, mythology-based sci-fi series of all time (imho).  I hope that VEGAS ends up having less in common with CBS' procedurals (CSI, NCIS) and having more in common with THE GOOD WIFE (another CBS drama that is basically a legal procedural and yet is also so much more than that).  I don't know that I will keep tuning in week after week for CSI: VINTAGE LAS VEGAS.

And the verdict is:
Okay. I may give it another episode or two to see if it gets better.
Like FRINGE and VEGAS' fellow CBS drama THE GOOD WIFE, I'm willing to give VEGAS a little time to develop into an interesting show before completely writing it off.  I was disappointed that the pilot was as procedural as it was, but there were enough good things about it (acting, production quality), and enough hints of an underlying storyline between Lamb and Savino that the series could eventually take off in a less tired, more exciting direction.  Here's hoping!

What did you think, Fellow Addicts?  Were you drawn in by the glitz and glamor of VEGAS?  Or were you similarly disappointed by its procedural nature?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of VEGAS?

PilotWatch: PARTNERS

CBS Mondays @ 8:30/7:30c

What's it about?
PARTNERS is a comedy based on the lives of creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick, about two life-long best friends and business partners whose "bromance" is tested when one of them is engaged to be married.  Joe is an accomplished architect who leads with his head and not his heart, especially in his love life.  That's in stark contrast to his gay co-worker, Louis, who is spontaneous, emotional and prone to exaggeration.  Both have found joy in their love lives: Joe is newly engaged to Ali, a beautiful and sophisticated jewelry designer, and Louis' companion is Wyatt, a vegan nurse who Louis insists is just a promotion away from becoming a doctor.  As news of Joe's engagement settles, time will tell if their business and personal bond can adapt to the addition of two other important relationships.
(from CBS.com)

You should watch if...
• ...you're a die-hard WILL & GRACE fan.
• ...you're a die-hard Michael Urie fan.
• ...you've been dying to see the actor who most recently portrayed Superman play a gay vegan nurse.

So, how was it?
Sitcoms centering around two characters who can never develop romantic feelings for each other seem to be in this year.  First there was BEN & KATE with its sibling protagonists, and now there's PARTNERS, featuring Joe and Louis, childhood friends and business partners, one of whom is straight and one gay.  This is again a welcome change from the tired will-they-won't-they trope.  That being said, I was totally prepared to hate this show, seeing as it's a CBS sitcom with a laugh track (there's not a single one of those I enjoy).  Even though PARTNERS was created by the same men who created WILL & GRACE, I was braced for the worst.

Imagine my surprise then, when I found myself not hating it.  It seemed to me to be a step above the usual CBS fare, probably due to the talent of the men who crafted the show -- WILL & GRACE is probably one of the most successful and well-loved sitcoms of the early 2000s.  Joe and Louis feel like much more well-rounded, real characters than any of the caricatures in ANIMAL PRACTICE or GUYS WITH KIDS (for example).  Granted, it's still a sitcom, so they still fit into "types" (the fussy gay, the schlubby straight dude), but Michael Urie (UGLY BETTY) and David Krumholtz (NUMB3RS) are skilled enough as the leads to flesh their characters out and make them relatable.  Even Sophia Bush (ONE TREE HILL) is likable as Joe's fiancée, and her frustration with his closeness to Louis is surprisingly understated (on any other sitcom it would've been played for over-the-top laughs).  Brandon Routh (SUPERMAN RETURNS) is the one weak link in the cast.  His comedic timing is not up to snuff and he's just too...vanilla to really add anything of import to the show.  He's tall and good-looking and that's about it, at least so far.

Like any sitcom, there were jokes that fell flat, predictable plot lines, and a sappy ending where everything is wrapped up in a pretty bow, but there was enough freshness -- in the concept and the acting -- to keep me from groaning every three seconds.  If I enjoyed mult-cam sitcoms with laugh tracks, I would probably love this show.  Unfortunately, this format is just not my cup of tea, and I really don't see myself tuning in on a regular basis.  But, and this is high praise from me, if I found myself with nothing else to watch and this was on my TV, I might not change the channel.

And the verdict is:
Meh.  Not the worst but not for me.
There has never been a CBS sitcom that I enjoyed, and I absolutely loathe laugh tracks, so I was all ready to give this one an atrocious rating.  PARTNERS turned out to be surprisingly not atrocious, but it's also not the show for me, through no fault of its own.  I'll be surprised if this show doesn't find an audience somewhere.  It's definitely not the worst sitcom of the year, in no small part due to the absence of a monkey costar.  (Doesn't that just reek of desperation?? Ugh...)

What did you think, Fellow Addicts?  Were you as surprised as I was by how not-horrible PARTNERS was?  Or did you just find it plain-ole-horrible?  Vote in the poll below and then hit the comments!

What did you think of PARTNERS?