Like I did for fall, I hereby solemnly pledge to watch at least the pilot episode of every one of these shows and let you know how they are. I will grade every show on a four-point scale as follows:
* Atrocious. I will never watch this show again. Ever.
** Okay. I may give it another episode or two to see if gets better.
*** Solid. I'm interested and will definitely keep watching.
**** Certifiably ADDICTive. A must-see.
Here we go!
Sun Jan. 1 - ANGRY BOYS (HBO @ 10)From Chris Lilley, the man who brought us the brilliantly hysterical and endlessly entertaining SUMMER HEIGHTS HIGH comes this new sitcom. Following the same format as his previous show, ANGRY BOYS is written by Lilley who also stars as several different characters: Ruth Sims, a 65-year-old employee at the Garingal Juvenile Justice Centre For Boys; S. Mouse, a rap artist under house arrest for releasing a single called "Poo On You" featuring him pooping on a police car; Blake Oakfield, a Surfing World Champion who had his balls shot off during a gang fight; Jen Okazaki, a Japanese mother and founder of "Gaystyle Enterprises"; and Daniel and Nathan Sims, identical twins living on a farm, one of whom has a hearing impairment.
Continuing their horrific sexist streak started by Tim Allen in LAST MAN STANDING, ABC next launches this soul-crushing "comedy" about two men who discover that women are taking over the workforce, and therefore they must pass themselves off as women to land jobs. That's right, folks. A cross-dressing comedy in the 21st century that manages to insult both men (too stupid to get jobs) AND women (too stupid to notice their coworkers are actually men)!
Based on the John Grisham novel of the same title, this show stars Josh Lucas (POSEIDON) as attorney Mitchell McDeere. The series picks up 10 years after the events of the novel as Mitchell and his family emerge from a life in the Witness Protection Program. Presumably, thrillingly legal (or legally thrilling?) shenanigans ensue. Also starring Tricia Helfer (BATTLESTAR GALACTICA).
Don Cheadle and Kristen Bell star in this new comedy about management consultants who charm and con the 1% into spending oodles of dough on their services.
This new comedy was inspired by Chelsea Handler's popular memoir Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. It stars Laura Prepon (THAT 70s SHOW) as Chelsea, loosely based on the real Chelsea. Ironically, Chelsea Handler has a recurring role as Sloane, Chelsea's born-again conservative Christian sister.
This procedural is a spinoff of BONES starring Geoff Stults as Walter Sherman, a professional "finder." He got his start working for Army Military Police finding insurgents and deserters. Now, after waking from a coma due to an unfortunate incident with an IED, he helps the likes of Booth and Brennan solve mysteries. Also stars Michael Clarke Duncan.
Thurs Jan. 12 - ROB (CBS @ 9:30)
Originally entitled the much more explanatory ¡Rob! (the title was changed because the media hates weird punctuation), this sitcom stars Rob Schneider as a life-long bachelor who marries into a tight-knight Mexican-American family. Hilarious clash-of-culture confusion will follow, no doubt. Cheech Marin also stars as his new father-in-law.
Sun Jan. 15 - NAPOLEON DYNAMITE (FOX @ 8:30)
Based on the film of the same name (obviously), this animated show stars the voices of the entire original cast in new supremely awkward adventures.
One of the shows I'm personally looking forward to the most, this new sci-fi show returns producer J.J. Abrams to his mysterious island roots - this time on the island prison Alcatraz. According to the show, almost fifty years every inmate disappeared - and now they're starting to reappear, murdering people and having apparently not aged a day since their incarceration. The series stars Sarah Jones (SONS OF ANARCHY), Jorge Garcia (LOST) and Sam Neill (JURASSIC PARK).
Thurs Jan. 19 - UNSUPERVISED (FX @ 10:30)
From the writers of IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA and the artists of ARCHER comes this new animated comedy about two high school friends (voiced by Justin Long and David Hornsby) who live a life completely devoid of parental guidance.
Directed by Michael Mann (PUBLIC ENEMIES), written by David Milch (DEADWOOD) and starring Dustin Hoffman, this drama centers around the world of horse racing, from the owners to the jockeys to the gamblers.
Thurs Feb. 2 - I JUST WANT MY PANTS BACK (MTV @ 11)
Based on the novel of the same name, this show follows a twenty-something who has a one-night-stand and then loses his heart...and his pants. The hunt is on for his skinny jeans and the girl of his dreams who stole them.
Are you ready for even more singing and dancing on primetime network television? This new musical drama produced by Steven Spielberg has been described countless times as "the adult GLEE." It follows the complete journey of a (fictional) Broadway musical based on the life of Marilyn Monroe, from conception and casting all the way to opening night and stars a veritable who's-who of talented actors: Debra Messing, Anjelica Huston, Brian d'Arcy James, Megan Hilty, Katharine McPhee and Jack Davenport, among others.
Another sci-fi thriller (and another on my most-anticipated list), this one stars Bruce Greenwood (STAR TREK) as a wilderness explorer who goes missing in the Amazon rainforest. Six months later, his emergency beacon goes off and his wife (Leslie Hope - 24) and son (Joe Anderson - ACROSS THE UNIVERSE) go in search of him, followed by a documentary film crew. What they find may defy explanation. The show combines the increasingly-popular faux-documentary found-footage style with the sci-fi chills of shows like LOST, hopefully to satisfying effect. This is the second show premiering in as many nights that was produced by Steven Spielberg, and the pilot was directed by Oren Peli (PARANORMAL ACTIVITY). I. Cannot. Wait.
HBO is re-airing this British comedy for American audiences. It is a faux-documentary starring Warwick Davis (HARRY POTTER) as a loosely-fictionalized version of himself trying to worm his way back into the spotlight. Ricky Gervais writes, produces and co-stars, and the show features cameos from various celebrities such as Liam Neeson, Johnny Depp and Sting.
Shortened from Good Christian Belles which was retitled from Good Christian Bitches, G.C.B. stars Leslie Bibb as Amanda, a reformed mean girl who returns to her Texas hometown years later and must reap what she sowed in high school. Kristin Chenoweth co-stars as a former ugly duckling who Amanda tortured in high school and is now intent on revenge. Hopefully she'll bring the same bubbly charm she did to the tragically-short-lived PUSHING DAISIES.
Ashley Judd stars in this action drama about an ex-CIA agent whose son goes missing while studying abroad in Rome. She travels to Europe and uses her agent training to follow the clues, fight the bad guys and find her son. Also starring Sean Bean (GAME OF THRONES).
Jack Bauer returns to television! Okay, Kiefer Sutherland returns to television, but that's almost as good. In this new drama he stars as the single father of a mute autistic boy whose mental handicap may allow him to predict the future through patterns no one else can see. Look for lots of scientific and spiritual discussions in this preternatural series. (There will be a special airing of the pilot on Wed Jan. 25 @ 9, although the official premiere is Mar. 19 and its regular airing will be on Monday nights.)
*****
The following series have been announced as airing sometime in 2012, but have yet to secure an actual premiere date (some could be saved for as late as summer).
*****
Jason Isaacs (HARRY POTTER) stars as a husband and father who finds himself living in two realities after a horrific car accident: one where his wife died but his son survived, and one where his son died but his wife survived. He then has to try to make sense of these alternate realities while grappling with wanting to keep them both.
Amanda Peet and Jeffrey Tambor (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT) star in this comedy written by Tad Quill (SCRUBS) about a divorced lawyer raising an eight-year-old daughter and the womanizing contractor she hires to redo her kitchen (Tambor plays the contractor's just-as-womanizing father).
Lennon Parham and Jessica St. Clair write and star in this show about two BFFs, coincidentally named Lennon and Jessica, who move back in together after one of them gets a divorce. This is bad news for the other friend's live-in boyfriend, and results in undoubtedly hilarious hijinks and awkward situations.
Dreama Walker stars in this comedy about a naive Midwestern girl who moves to NYC and puts an ad out for a roommate...only to land with the snarky, conniving Chloe, played by co-star Krysten Ritter. The two descend into a battle of bitchiness, with Krysten Ritter aided by her bff James Van Der Beek (appearing as himself).
THE NEWSROOM (HBO)
Aaron Sorkin, the writer behind THE WEST WING and THE SOCIAL NETWORK returns to TV with this new drama for HBO about the inner workings of a 24 hour news network. Sorkin's pedigree has attracted a slew of top-notch actors: Jeff Daniels, Jane Fonda, Emily Mortimer, Alison Pill, Dev Patel, Sam Waterston...the list goes on.
NYC 22 (CBS)
Executive produced by Robert De Niro, this crime procedural follows six rookie cops in the NYPD as they patrol the streets of upper Manhattan.
From über-producer Shonda Rimes (GREY'S ANATOMY) comes this new drama loosely based on the life of Judy Smith, administration press aide under George H.W. Bush. It stars Kerry Washington (RAY) as Olivia Pope, a professional crisis manager and former media relations consultant to the president, and her staff of "fixers." Also starring Henry Ian Cusick (LOST) and Jeff Perry (GREY'S).
Julia Louis-Dreyfus stars in this comedy as Senator Selina Meyer, who becomes the first female Vice President. The show comes from British writer Armando Ianucci, who previously satirized the British government in the popular IN THE THICK OF IT (which spawned the feature film IN THE LOOP). This series should be premiering sometime in April.
That about does it! 26 more shows to look forward to between now and the warm summer months. And, if I dare say so, fewer look as blatantly bad as some of the fall premieres were (here's looking at you, HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN and THE PLAYBOY CLUB) - with the exception of WORK IT, which I predict will last at most two episodes. I'm excited for quite a few of these shows (namely ALCATRAZ, SMASH, THE RIVER, AWAKE, G.C.B. and TOUCH). I hope they turn out to be as good as they look! On second thought, I should probably be hoping they're terrible or I'm going to have an awfully busy television schedule every week...
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