Actual grade: 5/10
(For a full explanation of my grading system, check out this post.)
It's hard to know what to expect when mashing together two completely different genres that have never been combined before. But with Jon Favreau (of IRON MAN fame) directing, Steven Spielberg producing, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman (both of ALIAS, STAR TREK and FRINGE) and Damon Lindelof (of LOST) writing, and Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford starring, it seemed like a sure bet of a solid summer action film. And while the film does have some cool action scenes, that's unfortunately about it. It doesn't amount to much more than the sum of its parts, which is disappointing, considering the talent involved and the potential it had.
COWBOYS & ALIENS was probably the most blunt, "this-is-exactly-what-the-film-is-about" title since SNAKES ON A PLANE, and most people probably expected a certain level of camp because of it -- maybe not as tongue-in-cheek as the infamous Sammy Jackson picture, but I thought it would be hard to watch a bunch of dusty cowboys face off against high-tech spaceships without dipping into campiness. I was wrong. This film's biggest misstep is in taking itself too seriously.
This film could have thrived on wit, pointing out the inherent absurdities of the concept. Instead, everything was played straight, and unfortunately, in a film about nothing more than a bunch of cowboys fighting a bunch of aliens, there's nothing all that dramatically serious to latch onto emotionally. Considering how effectively Jon Favreau combined eye-popping action with zingy one-liners in the terrific IRON MAN, these tonal difficulties are surprising. He could've used a bit more of Robert Downey Jr's energy here. The closest this film comes to wit is when the cowboys refer to the aliens as "demons," since they are obviously living in a time when extraterrestrial life wasn't even on the radar -- they assume that the creatures attacking them have come from hell itself.
Speaking of the creatures, I do have to give props to the design. They are effectively frightening -- something of a mix between the creature from ALIEN and the monster from CLOVERFIELD. They are vicious and deadly, and my favorite parts of the movie were when they were running around, wreaking havoc. Unfortunately, that havoc was in surprisingly short supply. Apart from a few isolated attacks, there is very little actual Cowboy vs. Alien action until the climax of the film. Other than that, there's a lot of riding around in the desert, with grown men growling at each other, and scene after scene of people trying to convince other people that they have to work together. There's a lot of talk in this film, and none of it compelling or emotionally stirring.
Fortunately, most of that talking is done by Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford and Sam Rockwell, all three of whom are terrific here. Daniel Craig appears born to play a cowboy, the rugged lines on his face as deep as the canyons he fights his way through. He's a man of few words, and carries a focused intensity in his eyes as he struggles to remember his mysterious past. (Alas, the secret of his amnesia is neither particularly surprising nor all that interesting once we get there. And remember, no matter how bad a guy you were before, amnesia always makes you noble and decent!) I was a little worried about Harrison Ford initially -- he seemed to be playing almost a parody of himself. But as the film went on, he settled more comfortably into his role, as he morphed from less of an outright villain into more of the prickly, misunderstood gruff guy he plays to a tee. And Sam Rockwell is always a delight, taking whatever supporting role he's given and making it his own. Here he gets to be the local doctor/bartender (a combo that has unfortunately gone out of style), driven to discover a new side of himself after his wife is kidnapped by the aliens.
Olivia Wilde is the one weak link in the main cast. She comes in second only to Blake Lively-as-fighter-pilot for the most unbelievable casting choice of the summer. With her perfectly done makeup and perfectly trimmed eyebrows and perfectly styled hair, she looks like she stepped out of the pages of a magazine, not Arizona in 1873. For half the movie, I was expecting her to turn out to be an alien herself, and ****SPOILER ALERT***** I was right! In a weak twist, it turns out she's the last survivor of another race the aliens wiped out and has come to seek revenge, inexplicably in human form. So maybe this explains why she looks so perfect all the time, but you think she could have dirtied herself up a bit to blend in better. But of course Ms. Wilde must look immaculate. *****END SPOILERS*****
All of this is not to say I didn't enjoy myself. The film is not outright terrible, but it squandered its potential to be great. With less talk, more action; less drama more camp; less backstory more forward momentum, this film could have been a fun, fast sci-fi romp through the wild west, doing for cowboys what Pirates of the Caribbean did for pirates, and revive an all-but-dead genre. As it is, it's decidedly average summer fare, good at the time but leaving no lasting impression. It even lacks action scenes unique or adrenaline-pumping enough to bump it up a notch, ala Transformers. I was hoping that a concept as simple as "cowboys vs. aliens!" would yield unexpectedly fun results. But as it turns out, a simple concept yields only a simple film.
Side note - Before the film, we were treated to the trailer for next May's action flick BATTLESHIP, based on the popular board game. Of course, the ships' radars are jammed so they can't see each other, and they fire P.E.G. missiles (that's right...pegs...) that slam into the sides of the ships in neat little rows. And the kicker? Those ships the Navy is fighting? Alien spaceships. Remember those pesky aliens from the board game? You don't? Hmm, me neither. Oh well, get ready for SAILORS & ALIENS. Looks like Misters Favreau and Craig have spawned a new genre, and its future already looks bleak.
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