FALL TV PREVIEW

It's time to tackle something I haven't yet discussed on this blog...TELEVISION! I love it just as much as I love movies, and I'm excited to widen the scope of my blog and start to incorporate TV as well. And what better time to do that than when all the new fall shows are about to start? I'm going to give a rundown of all the shows premiering on the five major networks (ABC, CBS, CW, FOX, NBC) by release date so you can plan what you want to watch when.

I hereby solemnly pledge to watch at least the pilot episode of every one of these shows and let you know how they are. (You know the great thing about TV? It doesn't cost $13.50 every time I want to watch something!) I will grade every show on a four point scale as follows:

* - Atrocious. I will never watch this show again. Ever.

** - Okay. I may give it another episode or two to see if it gets good.

*** - Solid. I'm interested and will definitely keep watching.

**** - Certifiably ADDICTive. A must-see.

So here we go:

Tues Sept. 13 - RINGER (CW @ 9)

Sarah Michelle Gellar returns to TV for the first time since BUFFY ended eight years ago. The high-concept plot has Ms. Gellar playing identical twins, one of whom decides to pose as the other when the other goes missing under mysterious circumstances.

Wed Sept. 14 - UP ALL NIGHT (NBC @ 8)

A comedy about new parents trying to juggle their lives, their jobs and their baby, starring Christina Applegate, Will Forte and Maya Rudolph.

FREE AGENTS (NBC @ 8:30)

Hank Azaria and Kathryn Hahn star in a comedy about two middle-aged, single coworkers who have a one night stand, and then have to deal with the awkward consequences.

Thurs Sept. 15 - THE SECRET CIRCLE (CW @ 9)

Based on another book series by the author of the books that inspired THE VAMPIRE DIARIES, this looks to be a twin of that series -- pretty young things deal with supernatural powers, raging hormones, and nefarious evil plots -- this time with witches instead of vampires.

Mon Sept. 19 - 2 BROKE GIRLS (CBS @ 8:30)

From the executive producer of SEX AND THE CITY, this comedy stars Kat Denning and Beth Behrs as...you guessed it...two broke girls who work together at a diner.

THE PLAYBOY CLUB (NBC @ 10)

NBC's attempt to cash in on the 60s rage started by MAD MEN. With bunny ears.

Tues Sept. 20 - NEW GIRL (FOX @ 9)

The adorable Zooey Deschanel stars as an awkward but cute girl who moves in with three single guys after a horrible breakup.

UNFORGETTABLE (CBS @ 10)

A crime drama centered around a woman who remembers literally everything...except, bizarrely, the day her sister was murdered. Dum, dum, DUM!

Wed Sept. 21 - REVENGE (ABC @ 10)

A delightfully soapy-looking drama about a young woman who moves back to the Hamptons, where her life was ruined as a girl...and she's there to wreak havoc and get revenge on those responsible.

Thurs Sept. 22 - CHARLIE'S ANGELS (ABC @ 8)

A modern-day reboot of the classic hot-chicks-fighting-crime series, this time starring Minka Kelly (PARENTHOOD, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS), Rachael Taylor (GREY'S ANATOMY, TRANSFORMERS) and Annie Ilonzeh (GENERAL HOSPITAL).

PERSON OF INTEREST (CBS @ 9)

Produced by the near-infallible JJ Abrams (we will forgive him for UNDERCOVERS), this drama stars the amazing Michael Emerson (Ben from LOST) and Jim Caviezel as a mysterious billionaire and an ex-CIA agent who team up to prevent crime.

WHITNEY (NBC @ 9:30)

A comedy about a couple who has been together for three years but have no plans to tie the knot, and how their more traditional friends deal with that.

PRIME SUSPECT (NBC @ 10)

Maria Bello stars in this remake of the classic British crime series that starred Helen Mirren.

Fri Sept. 23 - A GIFTED MAN (CBS @ 8)

Patrick Wilson stars as a successful surgeon who sees visions of his dead ex-wife.

Sun Sept. 25 - PAN AM (ABC @ 10)

The other new 60s era show premiering this fall, this time revolving around flight attendants and their high-flying romantic adventures.

Mon Sept. 26 - TERRA NOVA (FOX @ 8)

This high-concept, high-budget sci-fi show has been delayed for a full year to give the team time to hone the many special effects. Finally premiering, this show starts in the year 2149, where scientists send colonists back to dinosaur times to escape the apocalyptic future. Starring Jason O'Mara (LIFE ON MARS) and Stephen Lang (AVATAR).

HART OF DIXIE (CW @ 9)

Rachel Bilson stars as a young doctor from New York who moves to small town Alabama (and undoubtedly will have to face the trials and tribulations of living in the south).

Wed Sept. 28 - SUBURGATORY (ABC @ 8:30)

A comedy about a father who overreacts when he finds his teenage daughter in possession of condoms, and promptly uproots their lives and moves them from their apartment in NYC to the suburbs.

Thurs Sept. 29 - HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN (CBS @ 8:30)

Kevin Dillon (ENTOURAGE) and David Hornsby (IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA) star as a man's man and a gentleman who teach each other how to be better men! Sounds adorable...

Wed Oct. 5 - AMERICAN HORROR STORY (FX @ 10)

Admittedly a bit of a cheat since it's not on one of the major networks, but it's one of the shows I'm most looking forward to. Created by Ryan Murphy (GLEE, NIP/TUCK), it stars Dylan McDermott (THE PRACTICE) and Connie Britton (FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS) as a couple that moves into a haunted house. Also starring Frances Conroy (SIX FEET UNDER), Denis O'Hare (TRUE BLOOD) and Jessica Lange.

Tues Oct. 11 - LAST MAN STANDING (ABC @ 8)

Tim Allen returns to primetime as a man's man who is dismayed to find that he's now living in a woman's world.

Tues Oct. 18 - MAN UP! (ABC @ 8:30)

A comedy about three guys trying to get in touch with their inner tough guy and redefine what it means to be a "real man." (Ugh. Both of these last two shows sound way too similar in a really unfunny way.)

Fri Oct. 21 - GRIMM (NBC @ 9)

A fantasy drama about a man who discovers he's descended from a line of "Grimms," charged with maintaining the balance between humanity and various fantastical beasties.

Sun Oct. 23 - ONCE UPON A TIME (ABC @ 8)

Another fantasy drama, this time from the executive producers of LOST, starring Jennifer Morrison (HOUSE) as a woman who moves to the town of Storybrooke...where all the citizens are actually fairy tale characters trapped in the real world, unaware of who they really are and where they came from.

Sun Oct. 30 - ALLEN GREGORY (FOX @ 8:30)

An animated series about a 7-year-old (voiced by Jonah Hill) who has composed operas and written novels, who now has to face the horrors of elementary school.

Wed Nov. 23 - I HATE MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER (FOX @ 9:30)

A comedy about two best friends and single mothers struggling to raise their unruly teenage daughters.

That's it for fall! There will be more to come midseason (like ALCATRAZ, JJ Abrams' other sci-fi drama, SMASH, NBC's adult-oriented version of GLEE, GOOD CHRISTIAN BELLES, a comedy starring Kristin Chenoweth, and THE RIVER, about a family who goes searching for their missing father in the Amazon). But for now we'll have to be content with these 26 new shows. It will be interesting to see which ones pull a MY GENERATION and get cancelled after the first episode, which will run out of steam after the first season, and which will actually manage the rare feat of both quality and longevity.

Rest assured, I will be on the front lines, watching all of these premieres and letting you know which ones are worth watching...and which ones should be avoided at all cost.

FALL MOVIE PREVIEW

Now that the summer has officially been recapped, it's time to look forward to what awaits us between the months of September and December, in those blustery, leaf-strewn months known as Autumn...or, in some circles, OSCAR SEASON. That's right. Gone are the superheros and the boy wizards, in are Meryl Streep and Roman Polanski. Let's take a look at what's in store, week by week. (I'm going to highlight only the films I'm particularly excited about, but I'll also include other notable releases for your reference.)

Sept. 9 - CONTAGION

Marion Cotillard, Matt Damon, Laurence Fishburne, Jude Law, Gwyneth Paltrow and Kate Winslet directed by Stephen Soderbergh (TRAFFIC) in a movie about the unstoppable spread of a deadly virus. Sold.

Also playing: WARRIOR (boxing drama with Tom Hardy, Joel Edgerton, Nick Nolte)

Sept. 16 - DRIVE

At this point, I would go see anything Ryan Gosling is in. This time he's trying his hand at action alongside other terrific actors such as Carey Mulligan (AN EDUCATION), Christina Hendricks (MAD MEN), Ron Perlman (SONS OF ANARCHY) and Bryan Cranston (BREAKING BAD).

STRAW DOGS

James Marsden, Kate Bosworth star as a couple menaced by TRUE BLOOD's oh-so-sexy Alexander Skarsgaard in a remake of the 1971 Dustin Hoffman thriller.

Also playing: I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT (Sarah Jessica Parker, Pierce Brosnan)

Sept. 23 - RED STATE

Kevin Smith, best known for comedies like CLERKS and DOGMA tries his hand at the thriller genre, in this tale of religious fundamentalists going HOSTEL on a handful of pretty young things. Starring John Goodman and Melissa Leo.

Also playing: ABDUCTION (Taylor Lautner's first starring role); THE DOUBLE (thriller starring Richard Gere and TRUE BLOOD's Stephen Moyer); KILLER ELITE (hitman action with Jason Statham, Clive Owen and Robert DeNiro); MACHINE GUN PREACHER (Gerard Butler); MONEYBALL (Brad Pitt, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Jonah Hill)

Sept 30 - DREAM HOUSE

A mystery/thriller/haunted house film starring Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz and Naomi Watts. The poster alone is terrifying. Hopefully with such talent involved, it will be a cut above the regular supernatural fare.

Also playing: 50/50 (Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen in a comedy about cancer); MARGARET (TRUE BLOOD's Anna Paquin in a film that's been delayed five years); TAKE SHELTER (Michael Shannon and Jessica Chastain in an apocalyptic drama)

Oct. 7 - THE IDES OF MARCH

Oh look! It's Ryan Gosling again. This time he's starring in a political drama directed by George Clooney alongside Paul Giamatti, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Marisa Tomei, Evan Rachel Wood, Jeffrey Wright, and George Clooney himself. Holy crap. This is going to be incredible.

Also playing: REAL STEEL (Hugh Jackman's robot-boxing movie); TEXAS KILLING FIELDS (Sam Worthington, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Jessica Chastain and Chloe Moretz in a grisly murder mystery)

Oct. 14 - THE THING

You may think it's blasphemy to remake John Carpenter's beloved horror film. Many do. But I remain cautiously optimistic for this not-really-remake-more-of-a-prequel take on the classic starring the lovely Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Joel Edgerton.

Also playing: FOOTLOOSE (aka the other blasphemous remake opening this day); THE SKIN I LIVE IN (Antonio Banderas in a disturbing drama directed by famed Spanish director Pedro Almodóvar)

Oct. 21 - MARTHA MARCY MAY MARLENE

Elizabeth Olsen (yes, the twins' younger sister) stars in this film festival darling about a young woman trying to escape her past as a member of a cult. Also starring last year's Oscar nominee John Hawkes as the leader of said cult.

Also playing: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 3; THE THREE MUSKETEERS

Oct. 28 - IN TIME

One of the most unique and original concepts I've seen for an sci-fi action thriller (outside of INCEPTION of course). Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, Olivia Wilde, Matt Bomer (WHITE COLLAR) and Vincent Kartheiser (MAD MEN) star in a futuristic movie where time is money. Literally.

LIKE CRAZY

This film has already gotten raves at festivals. Supposedly it's look at a long-distance relationship between Anton Yelchin and Felicity Jones (also starring Jennifer Lawrence) that is both unflinching and refreshing.

Also playing: ANONYMOUS (Rhys Ifans, Vanessa Redgrave and David Thewlis in a historical drama claiming that Shakespeare was a fraud)

Nov. 4

MY WEEK WITH MARILYN (Michelle Williams stars as Marilyn Monroe); PUSS IN BOOTS (the adorable cat from SHREK gets his own spinoff); TOWER HEIST (Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy lead this comedic action film)

Nov. 9 - J. EDGAR

Clint Eastwood directs Leonardo DiCaprio in a screenplay by Dustin Lance Black (MILK) about the life of the founder and head of the Federal Bureau of Investigations. Also starring Naomi Watts and THE SOCIAL NETWORK's Armie Hammer. Oscar-winning director? Check. Oscar-winning screenwriter? Check. Oscar-nominated lead actor? Check. Biopic? Check. This movie screams Oscar. Let's hope it lives up to it.

Nov. 11 - MELANCHOLIA

Another festival darling, this time written and directed by the ever-controversial Lars von Trier and starring Kirsten Dunst, Kiefer Sutherland, Alexander Skarsgaard and Stellen Skarsgaard (yes, father AND son) in an apocalyptic drama. It was nominated for the Palme d'Or and Kirsten Dunst won for Best Actress at Cannes. Can't wait for its wide release.

Also playing: IMMORTALS (swords-and-sandals epic starring the soon-to-be-Superman, Henry Cavill); JACK AND JILL (Adam Sandler's eye-goungingly awful-looking cross-dressing comedy. You read that right.)

Nov. 18 - TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, SPY

A Cold War espionage thriller starring Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy and John Hurt directed by Tomas Alfredson (of the original Swedish LET THE RIGHT ON IN). Count me in. This looks like a tense, paranoid good time.

Also playing: HAPPY FEET TWO; THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN-PART 1 (Yes, it's under Also Playing. No, I have absolutely no intention of seeing it.)

Nov. 23 - THE ARTIST

Yet another festival darling, but this time with a unique twist. It's a black-and-white silent film. Hailed as daring but also crowd-pleasing. I'll be interested to see how it does outside of Cannes.

Also playing: ARTHUR CHRISTMAS (animated film about the North Pole); THE DESCENDANTS (George Clooney directed by SIDEWAYS' Alexander Payne); HUGO (Martin Scorsese directs in a series of firsts: a 3-D family-friendly fantasy. Interesting...); THE MUPPETS (Amy Adams and Jason Segel)

Dec. 2

CORIOLANUS (a modern adaptation of Shakespeare's tragedy starring Ralph Fiennes and Gerard Butler); WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN (Tilda Swinton and John C Reilly try to cope after their son goes on a shooting spree)

Dec. 9

A DANGEROUS METHOD (Viggo Mortensen, Michael Fassbender and Keira Knightley in a historical drama about Jung and Freud); NEW YEAR'S EVE (another super-celebrity orgy from the people who brought you VALENTINE'S DAY...this time starring the likes of Robert DeNiro, Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Halle Berry, Zac Efron, Josh Duhamel, Jessica Biel, Lea Michele, Sofia Vergara, Michelle Pfeiffer, Hilary Swank...I could go on.); YOUNG ADULT (Charlize Theron and Patrick Wilson in a dark comedy by the JUNO team of Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody)

Dec. 16 - THE IRON LADY

Did you know Meryl Streep has been nominated for a grand total of 16 Oscars, but hasn't actually won since SOPHIE'S CHOICE in 1982?? Crazy. Here comes her best shot in recent memory, as she stars in that oh-so-Oscar-friendly genre: the biopic. Ms. Streep will be portraying prime minister Margaret Thatcher. Will it finally be her turn to take home the statue again? We'll have to wait and see.

Also playing: SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS (I wasn't even aware that the first did well enough to warrant a sequel, but here it is, starring Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law again, this time joined by the Swedish THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO's Noomi Rapace)

Dec. 21 - THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

Oh boy. This has got to be my most anticipated release of the rest of 2011. David Fincher, the man who has directed such genius films as SE7EN, FIGHT CLUB, PANIC ROOM, ZODIAC and THE SOCIAL NETWORK takes the helm to adapt the hyper-successful Swedish novel (and eventual sequels). The American version will star Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara, Robin Wright, Stellan Skarsgaard and Christopher Plummer. There is absolutely no way this won't be brilliant. Can I get in line now?

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL

Only the fourth entry in a super-successful franchise would dare go up against the Fincher juggernaut. But I've gotta admit that I'm almost equally excited for this. Tom Cruise returns, this time joined by Jeremy Renner (THE HURT LOCKER), Simon Pegg (SHAUN OF THE DEAD), Paula Patton (PRECIOUS), and Josh Holloway (LOST) in his big-budget feature film debut. Oh, and it's produced by my hero JJ Abrams and directed by THE INCREDIBLE's Brad Bird in his first live-action outing. How could this not be amazing?

Dec. 23 - THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN

I have to admit I've never read any Tintin books, but as this film marks Steven Spielberg's first directing of an entirely motion-capture film starring the indispensable Andy Serkis (Gollum, King Kong, Caesar), I may just have to give it a shot.

Also playing: IN THE LAND OF BLOOD AND HONEY (Angelina Jolie's directing debut, about the Bosnian War); WE BOUGHT A ZOO (Matt Damon, Scarlett Johansson and SUPER 8's Elle Fanning star in a true story directed by ALMOST FAMOUS' Cameron Crowe)

Dec. 25 - EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE

I might have to read the mega-popular novel this film is based off of before I go see it, but in the meantime let's ogle at the cast and crew. Oscar-darling Stephen Daldry (he's been nominated for an Oscar for every film he's directed - BILLY ELLIOT, THE HOURS and THE READER) directs Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, Viola Davis, John Goodman, James Gandolfini and Jeffrey Wright in a movie about a young boy who loses his father in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Wow.

Also playing: THE DARKEST HOUR (Emile Hirsch stars in a sci-fi film about Moscow being invaded by invisible aliens...I bet they saved a ton of moolah on CGI!)

Dec. 28 - WAR HORSE

Steven Spielberg's other Oscar-baiting release of the season. This time it stars Tom Hiddleston (THOR), David Thewlis and Emily Watson in a film based on the novel that also inspired the hit Broadway play, about a boy who runs away to fight in WWI after his beloved horse is drafted into the cavalry. Part of the magic of the stage version is the portrayal of the horses by life-sized puppets, so I'll be interested to see if the use of real horses takes away that magic or adds to the story.

TBA - CARNAGE

No release date has been set for this film yet (although it will be sometime in December), but along with DRAGON TATOO and GHOST PROTOCOL, it is one of my most anticipated films of the season. It, like WAR HORSE, is based on a hit Broadway play, one that I happened to see on its opening night. It was one of the best nights I've ever spent in a theatre. The riotously hysterical play was adapted and directed by the prestigious Roman Polanski, and will star Kate Winslet, Jodie Foster, Christoph Waltz and John C Reilly. I. Am. So. Excited.

Well there you have it, folks. Chances are the film that will take home the Best Picture trophy next spring is somewhere in this list. Of course, the Oscar rules have changed again, so there's no guarantee ahead of time on the number of nominations. A film has to receive at least 5% of first place votes to be considered. In other words, if only 7 films receive 5% or more first place votes, only 7 films deserve to be nominated for Best Picture. But this also means that the total number can be anywhere from 5 to 10, much to the chagrin of Oscar prognosticators everywhere. It'll be interesting to see how it works.

What about you guys? What are you most excited for? Did I fail to highlight a film you think is going to be amazing (and no, I refuse to even consider TWILIGHT). What do you think the big winner will be next spring? Feel free to chime in!

SUMMER 2011 MOVIE RECAP

Can you believe summer is just about over?? I can't. All those months of anticipating the glut of superheros, sequels, and boy wizards have come to an end. Seeing as how all of the major releases of the summer have come and gone, I decided it was about time to give a recap of the summer.

On the whole, I'd say it was stronger than I expected it to be. There were also a lot of surprises, both good and bad. There were movies I wouldn't have expected to be as good as they were (RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES, CRAZY STUPID LOVE), as well as movies I was expecting to love that ended up falling short (HANGOVER PART II, COWBOYS & ALIENS). Fortunately, I reviewed 15 movies over the past three months, a number lending itself perfectly to a well-rounded countdown. I will tell you the grades I gave each film and a short recap of what I thought of them. So here we go, from the worst to the best:

THE BOTTOM FIVE

15. THE HANGOVER PART II - 2/10

Easily the biggest disappointment of the summer season. This "film" was an insult to anyone who loved the first Hangover, anyone who paid money to see the second one, and basically anyone who ever saw a movie ever. There was nothing in the least to set this "sequel" apart from the original, other than more violence, more character assassination, and less laughter. It turned a story of grown men gleefully acting like children into a story of grown men stashing dead bodies, getting shot, losing fingers, and maliciously poisoning teenagers. I have never been more sorry to spend money on a film, and if I hadn't been reviewing it, I probably would've walked out.

14. THOR - 4/10

I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I was decidedly underwhelmed by this film. Chris Hemsworth felt like nothing more than a walking six pack, lacking the gravitas or charisma of an interesting hero. His "romance" with Natalie Portman was laughable, and their chemistry was basically nonexistent. Lots of people praised Kenneth Branagh for lending his Shakespearean experience to this film, but to me that was the biggest problem. This story is already about a man who's literally a god -- the film needed a director who would bring it down to earth and make the characters relatable, not someone who would make an already epic story even more epic. I never felt connected to the characters. There were things I liked -- the art direction in Asgard was stunning, Idris Elba was awesome, and some of the action scenes were fun. But nothing about the film was memorable. In the age of IRON MAN and THE DARK KNIGHT, I've come to expect more from superhero movies, and this one didn't deliver. In my opinion.

13. COWBOYS & ALIENS - 5/10

I had high hopes for this movie, with Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Jon Favreau, and Steven Spielberg all attached. Unfortunately, it was completely average. A few exciting action set pieces and a cool creature design just couldn't make up for a plodding pace, uninteresting flashbacks, and a ridiculous plot twist involving the lovely but robotic Olivia Wilde. Similar to "let's put snakes on a plane!" -- building a whole movie off a catchy concept like "let's put aliens in the wild west!" doesn't actually yield stellar results.

12. GREEN LANTERN - 6/10

I know that most people preferred Thor to Green Lantern, so I'm again in the minority. But in my opinion, Green Lantern had lots of things that Thor lacked -- namely, a charismatic leading man, an interesting villain, and heart. Ryan Reynolds is far more relatable than the stud-muffin-blandness of Chris Hemsworth. Peter Skarsgaard delivered a genuinely unhinged performance that was a delight to watch. And the theme of overcoming fear, while cliche, was at least better than the message in Thor -- "don't be a cocky ass." Thor was empty action. Green Lantern, while not superb, tried to be more than that. I think what this film suffered from mostly was that it was the first entry in a franchise about a superhero very few people are familiar with. It therefore had to spend a lot of time explaining things and setting things up -- I'll be interested to see what a sequel can do without all that exposition getting in the way.

11. TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON - 6/10

Going in with very low expectations thanks to Revenge Of The Fallen, this third installment in the franchise was surprisingly not terrible. It dispensed with all the things that made the second film horrifically bad and amped up the action (which is all anyone goes to see a Transformers movie for, right?). Unfortunately, Michael Bay still seems to think that he needs to give equal time to his shallow human characters, when all the audience really wants to watch are the characters we love -- Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and the other robots. Fortunately, this film delivered some of the most spectacular action of recent memory, specifically in the battle for Chicago, which takes up the entire last third of the film. This was summer blockbuster at its splashiest, loudest, and most adrenaline-pumping.

THE MIDDLE FIVE

10. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: ON STRANGER TIDES - 7/10

This fourth installment, like the third Transformers, got rid of everything that was bogging the franchise down; namely Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, hopelessly tangled plot threads, bumbling sidekicks and the slapstick humor that had overtaken the franchise. On Stranger Tides felt almost like a reboot, featuring the same lead character, but having very little else in common with the previous installments. If the writers continue to create self-contained adventures that don't rely on the previous films to make sense, then Jack Sparrow could become the James Bond of the high seas -- a new villain, a new goal, a new story every time --thus keeping the series fresh and avoiding the sequelitis that plagued Dead Man's Chest and At World's End.

9. FINAL DESTINATION 5 - 7/10

Not an Oscar-worthy film by any means, but incredibly effective, especially for the fifth film in a horror franchise. After the okay third entry and the horrible fourth entry, it was exhilarating to see this franchise return to form with a film that matches, and maybe even exceeds, the original. The suspense is masterful, the deaths are creative, and the actors actually manage to make you not want their characters to die (for the most part). Just like Pirates, it was great to see this film return to the serious tone of the original, foregoing the campy humor that ruined the previous installment. This is a must-see for fans of the horror genre (especially in blood-spattering 3D).

8. CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER - 7/10

Comparing this film to others from the Avengers universe, Captain America is still not as good as Iron Man, but thankfully better than Thor. Chris Evans is surprisingly charismatic and believable, the retro atmosphere of WWII was pitch-perfect, and Hayley Atwell was finally a supporting female character in a superhero movie that wasn't infuriatingly ridiculous. My only big problem with the film was that Captain America is not the most interesting superhero -- he's too incorruptible to provide conflict or layers (much like Superman). This is the fault of the source material, however, so I didn't hold it against the film.

7. RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES - 8/10

Andy Serkis does it again. This incredible physical actor delivers a stirring, believable, layered performance as Caesar the ape, digitally rendered through motion-capture technology. We never even see the actor's true face, but Caesar remains the most emotional, relatable and complex character in the film. In fact, this film's biggest weakness is that none of the human characters are anywhere near as interesting as any of the digital apes. Maurice the circus orangutang, Buck the massive gorilla, Koba the vengeful chimp -- these all felt like well-rounded characters, easily overshadowing the two-dimensional performances by James Franco, Freida Pinto, Brian Cox and Tom Felton. John Lithgow delivers the only compelling human performance as a man succumbing to the effects of Alzheimer's.

6. THE HELP - 8/10

This will certainly be remembered as Viola Davis' movie, but the truth is that practically every single actor in this film delivers a pitch-perfect performance. Octavia Spencer and Sissy Spacek are hilarious, Jessica Chastain is obliviously vulnerable, Allison Janney is believably conflicted, Emma Stone is bright and lovely, and Bryce Dallas Howard delivers one of the best portrayals of a horrific racist ever put to screen (not an easy job). This film will make you laugh hysterically, gasp in disbelief, and weep like a child. And it goes without saying that Viola Davis gives the most heartfelt, emotionally rich performance of her career.

THE TOP FIVE

5. X-MEN: FIRST CLASS - 8/10

Easily the best superhero movie of the summer. Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy delivered the most fully believable, complex and layered superpowered performances -- far above Chris Hemsworth, Ryan Reynolds, or even Chris Evans. The retro atmosphere was stellar, the action was exciting, the acting was great (apart from January Jones, natch) and the decision to place the climax in the midst of the Cuban Missile Crisis lent the whole film a sense of real-world urgency. A magnificent return to form for the franchise after the noisy Last Stand and messy Wolverine.

4. CRAZY STUPID LOVE 9/10

This film was, for me, the biggest surprise of the summer. Everything else in the top five I expected to be great. I didn't even have Crazy Stupid Love on my must-see list. But after hearing the advance buzz, I decided to give it a shot. And boy, am I glad I did. This is what all romantic comedies should be: funny, meaningful, complex, full of honest portrayals of very real people. Nothing is neat or pat -- these people make crazy decisions, do stupid things, but somehow you still root for them. This film isn't afraid to show that sometimes love can be messy, but is still optimistic enough to hope that it will ultimately bring out the best in us.

3. SUPER 8 9/10

There is so very little magic left in movies these days. We know pretty much everything about a movie before we've even seen it -- through set reports, leaked footage, tweets from extras, advanced screenings...you name it. JJ Abrams remains one of the last standing masters of mystery. Those who had seen trailers knew it was about a group of kids who lives are changed when a monster of some sort invades their small town. Most people who simply saw the enigmatic words SUPER 8 on posters didn't even know that much. That alone was an impressive feat -- add the fact that the movie was actually great and it's even more impressive. The ensemble of children in this film is the most believable (and not-annoying) cast of young actors assembled in recent memory. They lend a tangible sense of wonder, fear, excitement, and emotion to an exhilarating tale of an ordinary town bombarded with extraordinary events.

2. BRIDESMAIDS - 9/10

Kristen Wiig leads an amazing cast of hysterical women in a movie that is in turns gut-bustingly funny, depressing, and always heartfelt. Yes, these women get their chance to behave badly, much like the boy-men in The Hangover, but at the center of these ridiculous exploits is an incredible amount of heart. This movie actually has something to say about women and friendship and how relationships change over time and what we do when those changes start to occur in spite of out best efforts to keep things the same. Every one of these women felt real no matter how over-the-top their actions became. I can't wait to watch Kristen Wiig's Hollywood career develop. I can only hope the rest of her work will match her first effort.

1. HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART 2 - 10/10

I recently saw this movie for the second time and can safely say it was just as incredible upon repeated viewing. This really was the perfect ending to the most epic franchise ever filmed. They saved the best for last, in every aspect -- the best acting, the best adaptation, the best effects, the best score. Of course, die hard fans of the books will always find some alterations to nitpick, but in my opinion, this was a master example of adaptation. The decision to split the last book into two films really paid off, as there was careful attention paid to almost every detail (sure, Dumbledore's past was largely excised, but you can't have everything). As someone who grew up with Harry (I was the same age as Harry when the first book came out), there was no more satisfying experience than waiting in line outside the theater for four hours, surrounded by people who love the series as much as me, and finally getting to watch the culmination of a decade-long saga. And then for the film to top even my incredibly high expectations was just the icing on top of the cake. My audience cheered, applauded, and sobbed. It was one of the most cathartic and emotional experiences of my filmgoing career, and remains undoubtedly my favorite film of the summer.

And there you have it!

In a summer full of superheros, sequels, prequels, and adaptations, 3 of my top 5 were entirely original works. Only one superhero movie ended up breaking into the top five. The most anticipated comedy was the most disappointing movie. Crazy Stupid Love was a sane and smart look at real relationships. Cowboys and aliens don't make a very interesting combination. Digital apes are better actors than real humans. These are just some of the many surprises for me that happened over the past three months, which is what made the season so much fun. Who wants predictable?

So now it's your turn -- what movies did I miss that you would put in your top 5? What in my list do you disagree with? (I know, I know, everyone loved Thor.) What do you agree with? What surprised you? Were you generally pleased or disappointed with the movies this summer? Let's talk about it!

Death's A Bitch: A Review of FINAL DESTINATION 5

Expected grade: 3/10

Enjoyment grade: 9/10

Actual film grade: 4/10

(For a full explanation of my grading system, check out this post.)

Like a moth to the flame, I was drawn inexorably to the movie theatre this morning to see the fifth installment in the FINAL DESTINATION franchise -- not entirely against my will, I must admit. My sense of morbid curiosity steered me there, as well as my guilty love of all four previous installments (especially the first two). Did I expect a cinematic masterpiece? Of course not. While I was excited to see the intricate death scenes and their gory results, I was apprehensive that this fifth film would continue the decline in quality started in 3 and accelerated dramatically in 4. I was therefore pleasantly surprised to see this film match, and maybe even exceed, the quality of the first film.

How many series' have reached a fifth installment? Excluding Harry Potter, which was based on already-written material, there aren't that many, and most of them are horror. Think of SAW V, if you were unfortunate enough to see it. Or HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS. Or FRIDAY THE 13TH PART V - A NEW BEGINNING. Or A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5 - THE DREAM CHILD. The highest Rotten Tomatoes rating of those films clocks in at 29% (that would be NIGHTMARE -- the rest of the scores are all in the teens). FINAL DESTINATION 5, on the other hand, earned a whopping 57%. That's cinematic gold by comparison.

None of the performances will win Oscars, and the script remains a shallow vehicle for gruesome deaths; but for pure slice-and-dice fun, this movie is a cut above (pun intended). If the people behind the scenes have learned anything throughout the franchise, it's how to build suspense. For those who aren't familiar with the series, each film opens with a bone-crunching, blood-splattering, gore-spewing disaster. In 5, it's the collapse of a suspension bridge. This returns the "it-could-happen-to-anyone" fear to the level of the plane crash in the first and the highway pileup in the second, way above the more-fantastical roller coaster derailment and racetrack demolishing of the third and fourth. (Not that bridges collapse every day, but many people drive over bridges every day -- no one goes to the amusement park or the speedway every day.)

The disaster is then revealed to have occurred in the mind of our winsome protagonist (in this case Nicholas D'Agosto) who has had an inexplicable premonition. He convinces his friends to flee the bus (or plane or roller coaster or what have you) only to witness said disaster actually take place. But apparently Death doesn't like to be cheated, as it spends the rest of the film hunting down those who escaped his grasp. And apparently Death also doesn't like killing people in straightforward ways like heart attacks or falling down the stairs. Oh no. Death prefers setting up complex Rube Goldberg-esque traps full of red herrings. You know, just for funsies. These traps and their bloody results are all the more glorious when seen in 3D. I don't often pay the extra for 3D, but it was definitely worth it this time -- it made the deaths even more cringe-inducing.

The elaborate death sequences are what have always made the FINAL DESTINATION films stand out. And I am happy to say they are at their best in this installment. There is so much buildup, misdirection and fake-outs that by the time the proverbial axe falls, you are on the edge of your seat. One sequence in particular, featuring a balance beam, an inconveniently placed screw, a shorting electrical cable, and a growing puddle of water had my whole audience shrieking in anticipation, wondering which one of these things is actually going to KILL HER ALREADY, and then finally screaming at the resulting death -- one of the most disturbing of the franchise.

The ultimate power of these films is that they make you incredibly paranoid. As you walk out of the theatre, you realize how many things in the world can actually kill you, and how it could happen at any second: laser eye surgery, acupuncture, and sailboats, for example. Even a kitchen can easily become a death trap with its sharp knives, fiery stoves and boiling vats of grease. This may not be cinema at its most subtle and artistic, but in terms of giving the audience a visceral experience to the point of actually altering their perception of their world around them -- FINAL DESTINATION is surprisingly effective.

If you don't like suspense or violence, then there's absolutely nothing in this film for you, to be completely honest. But if you love horror and gore, you will probably love this film. There is more blood and guts on display here than I've seen outside of SAW or HOSTEL, and it's way more fun than either of those overly-serious franchises. Oh, and there's a nice little twist thrown in at the end that will only be fully appreciated by people who have been fans of the franchise since the beginning. It is refreshing to see a series that can actually improve by its fifth entry. It's hard to give this film a grade because for what it is, it's a definite success, but against, say, THE HURT LOCKER, it's obviously subpar. The only fair score I can give it, then, is an average of the experience I had as a horror fan and the one I had as a film critic. That would be a 6.5/10, and for the sake of whole numbers and because of its admirable improvement on the previous installments, I will round up and give it:

Final grade: 7/10

Beware Of Chocolate Pies: A Review of THE HELP

Expected grade: 8/10

Actual grade: 8/10

(For a full explanation of my grading system, check out this post.)

Anticipating the release of the film adaptation of the wildly popular novel THE HELP, there have been several articles published discussing the movie/book's "appropriateness." Millions of people love it, as evidenced by its many weeks on the Best Seller list. Some, on the other hand, have found it (specifically the book) problematic. Much of it is written in first-person narrative from the point of view of black maids in Jackson, Mississippi during the Civil Rights movement, including exaggerated dialect. This in itself is not the problem. The problem, they say, is that the novel was written by Kathryn Stockett -- a modern-day white woman. I have followed these critiques with interest. However, as I am neither a Civil Rights historian nor someone who grew up during that time period, I don't feel like I can contribute anything extraordinarily meaningful to the conversation. I will therefore be critiquing the film on its own merits as a moviegoer, and will leave the debate on the "appropriateness" to others.

I personally thoroughly enjoyed the novel -- I found it both informative and moving -- and I love just about everyone in the cast. I therefore went in expecting a great film. What I got just about met those expectations. I say "just about" and wavered in what Actual Grade to give the film because while some parts soared and exceeded my expectations, other parts I found slightly underwhelming, though not to the point of dampening my experience.

This film is anchored by a tour-de-force performance by Viola Davis as Aibileen, the maid who first sets out to help Skeeter Phelan (Emma Stone) write a novel from the point of view of the "help." Aibileen was a wonderful character in the novel. As brought to life by Ms. Davis, she is a force. Her expressions and words manage to capture the deeply rooted pain of her past, the fear of her present, and the cautious optimism of her future -- all at the same time. This is acting at its most masterful. Ms. Davis is reason enough alone to see this film.

The rest of the large supporting cast delivers finely-tuned performances as well, though they all reside in Ms. Davis' shadow. Octavia Spencer is hilarious as Minny, Aibileen's large and sass-mouthed friend. Allison Janney is wonderfully frustrating as Mrs. Phelan, who wavers believably between rigid Southern mother and loving, proud parent. Jessica Chastain is adorably flustered as the oblivious Celia Foote. Sissy Spacek is fun as an increasingly senile old woman. Oh, and there's a delightfully surprising cameo for fans of HBO's True Blood. I won't spoil it here or it wouldn't be surprising.

The best supporting performance goes to Bryce Dallas Howard, who is given the thankless job of playing the villain -- in this film's case Hilly Holbrook, a truly revolting Southern housewife who believes that every maid should have her own outdoor toilet to avoid the spread of disease. It was impossible not to scoff as she warned Skeeter, "There are real racists in this town." It is a mark of her skill, however, that I did not simply hate her. I did hate her, but I also felt sorry for her, as Ms. Howard managed to let her character's vulnerabilities and insecurities surface just enough beneath the veneer of her polished racism to make Hilly human.

Emma Stone is charmingly wonderful (as is to be expected) as the passionate Skeeter. However, her character is the most "problematic" to me. She starts off as an inexplicably progressive young woman the first time we meet her. Sure, she went to college and none of the other women of the town did, so she's more worldly-wise. But it was Ole Miss, not NYU. And sure, she loved Constantine, the maid who raised her. But all the women were raised by their own maids. None of this really explains why Skeeter is so much more open-minded than anybody else. And then at the end she is pretty much the same -- still the most open-minded person in town. She verges on being more of a plot device than a character. I can see how some people were rankled by the idea that the black maids needed a white woman to "save" them, although I don't entirely agree that that's what the story is about. (I said I wasn't going to talk about the "appropriateness" and I did. Good job, Jefferson.) Anyway, none of this is the fault of Ms. Stone, a delightful actress who does her best with what she's given.

The aspect in which I felt the film failed to deliver quite as masterfully as the acting was the directing. The film is a very faithful, literal adaptation of the novel, which most fans will appreciate. However, I wish the director, Tate Taylor had put more personal style into the film than mere translation -- it felt like he was afraid of taking any liberties for fear of angering fans of the book. This may also be due to the fact that he is childhood friends with Ms. Stockett, the author. Being such a close friend with her, perhaps he felt like he couldn't mess with her work. Most directors obviously don't have that problem, as they continually butcher scripts written by people they don't know from Adam. Just like best friends don't always make the best roommates, maybe it's not always to your advantage to be so close to the person whose novel you're turning into a major motion picture that will be reviewed by every amateur with a laptop (yep, that's me). Talk about pressure.

Mr. Taylor also seemed relentlessly determined to make this film upbeat. And while the novel was definitely optimistic and hopeful, it was also very dark and sad at times. Reading it, I felt I understood the real sense of danger these maids faced in sharing their stories with Skeeter, since the consequences were made very clear, as was the violence happening all around them. Mr. Tate attempts to gloss over these dangers (the only instances of actual physical violence all occur off-screen), I feel to the film's detriment. How much more courageous would these women seem if we really understood the risk they were taking? There is a scene where the preacher at Aibileen's church gives a sermon about courage. It's supposed to be what convinces Aibileen to share her story with Skeeter. He says, "Courage isn't just about being brave. It's about overcoming fear and daring to do what is right for your fellow man." A fine sentiment, but without providing the audience a firm grasp on the "fear" these people are faced with, they are just words.

If I could judge this film on the performances alone, I wouldn't hesitate to give it a 9/10. However, the slightly underwhelming direction required me to lower the score a tad. But it still sits at a very respectable 8/10. There is very little changed between the novel and the film, so those who found the novel problematic will undoubtedly find the film the same. Those who loved the book are bound to love the film, as I did. And if you are one of the few who hasn't read the book, I urge you to go see THE HELP with an open mind. It is hysterical, it is sad, it is infuriating, it is uplifting. My whole audience was alternately rolling in the aisles at Minny's antics with a chocolate pie, gasping at the unbelievable ignorance of Hilly, and then of course crying quietly (or not so quietly) at the devastating honesty of Ms. Davis' performance. I will admit that my own eyes were not entirely dry as the credits started rolling. And that means THE HELP has the distinction of being the only movie this summer that has made me cry -- a feat even the final chapter of Harry Potter didn't accomplish. And that's saying something.

Going Bananas: A Review of RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

Expected grade: 8/10

Actual grade: 8/10

(For a full explanation of my grading system, check out this post.)

It took me a bit longer to get around to seeing this movie than it usually does, so I had already read many of the overwhelmingly positive reviews, and was therefore expecting a solid movie. I know from his previous roles as Gollum and King Kong that Andy Serkis and his motion capture work are always moving and fascinating, so I was excited for that. I was excited to see a dead franchise get a kick in the pants. And I was excited to see apes battle helicopters on the Golden Gate Bridge. This film is all of that and much more.

Nothing will beat Gollum for the title of most captivating, well-acted, well-animated motion capture character. But Caesar the ape, the main character of this movie, comes in a close second. Caesar is smart, he's curious, proud, loving, scared, strong -- he's a richly layered, fully-developed character, all the more impressive in that his role is silent. He doesn't get Gollum's multiple personality voices to express his complex emotions. But thanks to Serkis and the animators, he doesn't need them. Every action, expression and emotion is captured perfectly. I have heard talk of Andy Serkis (possibly in conjunction with the animation team) landing the first Oscar nomination for a motion capture performance this year. I think it's a stretch to believe that the Academy will recognize a performance not done in flesh-and-blood, but that's a fault of the voters, not the performance. Caesar is far more compelling than most real-life actors this summer -- I would rank him closest to the equally proud Magneto, who also ends up leading his own band of "freaks" against humanity.

While Caesar is the main attraction, several of the other apes are similarly fascinating. There's Maurice, the friendly circus orangutang who communicates with Caesar through subtitled sign language. There's Buck, the fierce and powerful gorilla who becomes Caesar's strongest ally. There's Alpha, Caesar's threat in his new home at the zoo. And there's Koba, the sinister ape who undergoes experimental treatment and ultimately gets his revenge. These all felt like fully-fleshed-out characters, and it was a joy watching them develop. In fact, this film's biggest fault is that all of these apes are far more interesting than any of their human counterparts.

While lavishing so much attention on its amazing apes, this film seemed to forget that the humans are supposed to be complex and have arcs as well. This is the one place the film fell short. James Franco phones in his performance as the scientist who makes the apes smarter. Freida Pinto is beautiful but does nothing much as his girlfriend. Brian Cox is utterly wasted as the keeper of the apes at the zoo. Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy in his first post-Potter role), as the ape keeper's assistant (and son), is inexplicably mean to the apes. And David Oyelowo is blandly villainous as Franco's boss. Only John Lithgow is even remotely interesting here, playing Franco's father, who has Alzheimer's. We see him both suffering from this terrible illness and, briefly, the brilliant man he used to be. It is the only human performance in the film with any sort of layers or emotions. As bland as most of the humans were, it didn't actually detract that much, because this film belongs to the apes.

My one fear going in was that this film would consist mostly of apes going crazy and slaughtering humans and inexplicably overcoming the police and military forces to gain control of San Francisco and, ultimately, the world. As cool as that might have been, it would have reduced it to just another summer action movie. In reality, there is very little actual action until the climax. This film is surprisingly more of a drama than I was (and I'm guessing a lot of people were) expecting. But when we do get there, the action is exciting, adrenaline-pumping, and, because we care about the apes, compelling. As eye-popping as the action in TRANSFORMERS was, who can say that they truly cared about any of the characters involved? This film doesn't suffer that hindrance. You as the audience care about the apes so much by the end that you will probably find yourself rooting for them and against your fellow humans. Kind of an unsettling experience.

There are a few clever references to the old franchise, as well as some very subtle seeds planted for a sequel. Unlike CAPTAIN AMERICA, which didn't shy away from the fact that the whole film was simply a teaser trailer for THE AVENGERS, this film lays the ground carefully for a continued story based on its characters and its story, not simply as a marketing ploy. This makes me much more interested to see further installments. Especially if they continue to be as thoughtful and thought-provoking as this one, and as long as Andy Serkis returns as Caesar. Because, ultimately, this movie was his vehicle and his first starring role. How much more impressive that you never even see his true face. Many actors attempt to "disappear" inside their roles. Here, thanks to the ever-evolving technique of motion capture, Mr. Serkis gets to do just that. And the result is breathtaking.